Getting to an understanding of myself and what I do I see I have not been honest in the way I am Freezing up and shutting down, putting up a wall too Its unhelpful that way I chose to deal and
I apologize for the way I handled things I always thought I was good at communicating Until I wasn’t with the ones I love and that mean the most to me in this world
It’s important to get this right and say it the best way I can I am who I am and I love who I love If I loved you at any point in my life, I still do I do not hold grudges and I don’t just stop caring
I am a simple yet complicated person I may hold things back but will tell you how I feel when asked It may not be what you want or your version It is just my perspective in one blast
Knowing what I know now explains so much Not only how I was then but how I handled things And how I saw things in my head and surroundings My overactive and overthinking brain as it was, is and will be
I have always wanted to fit in, to make others happy and feel that they are worth so much My love is so strong and over the top at times that I may overwhelm others But it is me and how I am, to the point I overwhelm myself at times Then at other times I hold back, not sure it, or I, will be accepted
I hold things in and stay away when I don’t want to hurt others or share my problems In my mind I am saving others from problems they don’t want nor need Not realizing by staying away it doesn’t help either So I end up causing problems anyway
So I apologize to those I love and to myself for not understanding until recently To understand myself helps me understand my past and to understand others around me It also helps for my now and future understandings Do you understand what I am saying?
The point is, as I have always believed, we are always learning, teaching and understanding This includes ourselves, others, and life in general We have to live life to the fullest and do all we can to be in the now For ourselves, others and just life
So, to myself and all reading this, know you are loved, are enough, are in this life to live it to the fullest and do your part to make an impact, if only a small one It doesn’t have to be big, but you ARE making a difference by just being here in this world we live in
