(A young woman takes a break to do something analog like writing in her journal and drinking tea. This is a healthy practice for those who experience anxiety.)
Is It Just Me?
Have you ever felt like you overthink everything, or at least almost everything? Do you get emotional wanting to talk to loved ones but can’t because their lives are so busy they don’t have time? Are you a grandparent that lives far away from your grandbabies and just want to see them and give them a big hug? These are some of the things I was feeling today. I try so hard not to do this to myself, but sometimes I just can’t help it. My mind goes to this place and makes it hard not to think this way. Especially when I love my family so much!
It never fails. I get anxious and stressed knowing how I want so much for my boys to accept my new life, my new partner and that we all are living our best life right now. I know I have made mistakes and not handled things well. There are many things I am not proud of. I left and came to London, UK. I didn’t do it to get away from them and all my family and friends. I did it because it was the best for me and my partner medical wise.
Going through menopause and pretty much convinced I have ADHD to boot is not easy. I am going through emotions, pain, negative thoughts, weight gain, feeling of unworthiness, etc… Mentally not good because of all this and trying to work through it all. I have requested testing for ADHD so I can verify what I am pretty sure I have and learn ways to work with and through it. My youngest son was diagnosed with ADHD when he was seven or eight. I didn’t realize it was a genetic thing, even though I was pretty sure his dad has it. I didn’t realize for women it is more internal than external symptoms. Once I started looking into it and seeing mine, is when I decided I needed to know for certain. So now I wait.
So, while I wait, I take an antidepressant to help with mood, anxiety and sleep. Vitamins and supplements to help with what is missing for my body as well as HRT (Hormone Replacement Therapy). These things are helping but not completely.
In the meantime, I stay busy by doing creative things. I do paintings, puzzles, writing, learning to play the flute again, singing with a choir, making candles, taking pictures and videos, trying to decide how to make a little money (I know I don’t need to but like to make sure I still can) and keeping up with friends and family. Add in a little traveling here and there and I am definitely not bored.
Unfortunately, I always swing back to my thoughts I deal with, missing family and friends, and wanting to know what to do to make myself feel normal again. If you feel this way as well, just know you are not alone and as soon as I know something more I will share it here.
Have a blessed week and enjoy the rest of January!
Getting to an understanding of myself and what I do I see I have not been honest in the way I am Freezing up and shutting down, putting up a wall too Its unhelpful that way I chose to deal and
I apologize for the way I handled things I always thought I was good at communicating Until I wasn’t with the ones I love and that mean the most to me in this world
It’s important to get this right and say it the best way I can I am who I am and I love who I love If I loved you at any point in my life, I still do I do not hold grudges and I don’t just stop caring
I am a simple yet complicated person I may hold things back but will tell you how I feel when asked It may not be what you want or your version It is just my perspective in one blast
Knowing what I know now explains so much Not only how I was then but how I handled things And how I saw things in my head and surroundings My overactive and overthinking brain as it was, is and will be
I have always wanted to fit in, to make others happy and feel that they are worth so much My love is so strong and over the top at times that I may overwhelm others But it is me and how I am, to the point I overwhelm myself at times Then at other times I hold back, not sure it, or I, will be accepted
I hold things in and stay away when I don’t want to hurt others or share my problems In my mind I am saving others from problems they don’t want nor need Not realizing by staying away it doesn’t help either So I end up causing problems anyway
So I apologize to those I love and to myself for not understanding until recently To understand myself helps me understand my past and to understand others around me It also helps for my now and future understandings Do you understand what I am saying?
The point is, as I have always believed, we are always learning, teaching and understanding This includes ourselves, others, and life in general We have to live life to the fullest and do all we can to be in the now For ourselves, others and just life
So, to myself and all reading this, know you are loved, are enough, are in this life to live it to the fullest and do your part to make an impact, if only a small one It doesn’t have to be big, but you ARE making a difference by just being here in this world we live in
When things are bothering me, the best way for me to deal is to write about it. I chose this life I live and I love where I am. The only regret I have is the distance I am from my family. I can’t just call and know I will be able to talk to my boys. They are busy with their own lives and families. I can’t just drive for a few hours to see my boys and their families, my parents, nor my sister. At times I feel cut off from the ones I love.
Also, when I start overthinking things, which I have a tendency to do (especially when I have no response when texting/messaging), I think I have done something to upset them or they just don’t care. That is me and I know it. It still doesn’t help my brain with that fact. My love is so strong for those I love I let it overwhelm me at times. So much that it hurts. I feel so weird with this fact, but it is who I am.
I have felt recently that I need something substantial to focus my time and effort into. I am not working and don’t need to do so at this time. However, I feel like I am not doing my part in our relationship when I don’t do anything to add to it work wise. I have always worked since I was fifteen years old. I have always earned my way in life and it just doesn’t feel right to me at this time to not be doing so.
I will be honest, I feel I get on these emotional rollercoasters when things happen with my family that I can’t be a part of, even though it was my choice to not be there so I can go for something else for them. I have to be the adult about things and it makes me feel weak and disliked for it. This is my flaw and my problem, and I don’t like the way it makes me feel. I also feel alone in this feeling. These feelings are the bad ones: I’m not good enough, I could do better, I don’t love enough, I’m a bad mom/daughter/sister/partner, etc….
As you can tell, this is really getting to me when it is enough to write about it.
I feel I need to accomplish something. To make a mark in this world. (I know I’m not the only one) But how? I’m good with singing. I’m pretty good with writing. I love animals. I love people. I am pretty good with art and being creative. I just don’t know how to use these things to make a difference somehow.
So, that is my sharing for now. I hope you have a great day, dear reader, and know if you are feeling the same, you see you are not alone.
(A young woman takes a break to do something analog like writing in her journal and drinking tea. This is a healthy practice for those who experience anxiety.)
As I am preparing to record my next podcast I started thinking about life and all I have done in this year so far. More than half has gone and it is August in just a few days. The last podcast I did was in March, that’s how busy we have been. My partner and I always stay busy. If we aren’t traveling, we are doing things around here because there is so much to see and do. Things I have never seen nor done and some that even he has not done, so it benefits us both.
I miss my family since they are all in the United States and I am here in the UK, therefore I try to go three to four times a year to see them and spend time with them. Especially since I have two grand daughters and soon to have a grand son! I usually stay with my parents, which is very special to me. I know how important it is to be close to my parents and make memories with them. The same in seeing my boys and their families. Memories and time with them is so important and precious to me. Much more important than I ever realized. So much I took for granted before.
Also, I realize there are things I still need to learn to do, even at my age of 50+. If I ever am on my own again, I will need to take care of things I have trusted others to do, or did not realize at all were needing to be done. There are also things I used to put off for one reason or another and now that I am understanding why, I just need to learn how to deal with this quirk I have and work with it. It is who I am and the more I can learn to work with it the better off I am in myself.
*Do you have any quirky things you have learned about yourself recently? What are these things? It’s good to know others are in the same area and not alone.*
These are just a few things I just wanted to jot down and get out of my head. The constant swimming around in your head and not letting them out just causes you to overthink and be anxious. I know I am not alone in this so thought I would share.
My partner and I were part of an incredible event this week. The EDD22 where experienced and young entrepreneurs came together to discuss moving forward in a digital world and how to have complete inclusivity for all countries.
My partner, Geoff, was a moderator for the Digital Studio (2) and I was basically there to help him and to take bullet point notes for each session. I must say, it was an impressive two days and a lot went into and behind it.
The event took place in Brussels, surrounded by beautiful structures and land marks. So, not only did we enjoy and learn a lot while at the conference, but we made sure to enjoy some of our beautiful and fun surroundings while there.
Day One
During the conference, in Studio 1, from the first session, we heard how there is an initiative to work with Africa’s green growth and progress, affordability and capital, climate resilience, guaranteed digital and infrastructure and what is called twin transition. Twin transition is meaningful connectivity, greener internet and there are three things it concentrates on. Those three things are accept the circular economy (use, recycle, reuse); impact assessments, minimize by sharing, affordability in connectivity; and wholistic response.
From the second session, we heard about startups and young entrepreneurs. The panel discussed AfriLabs, one of the most growing entrepreneurships; using digital tools to reach the smaller entrepreneurs and smaller financing; the global gateway; software sustainability objects; partnerships being so important; and having a growth place for young entrepreneurs and startups.
The third session dealt with innovations between Europe and Africa. The panel discussed the importance of designing programs, having programs to help entrepreneurs, people who know how to adapt the network, trust and funding, and how feed back from entrepreneurs is so important to listen to.
In Sessions four, the panel discussed the EU bringing priorities to open and secure internet, being more open to connectivity and making the internet stronger in protection against malwear and censorship. They talked about the importance of digital education and rights for children and women in more friendly technology and understanding. Inclusivity being so important in today’s world.
Session five had a panel discussing connection struggles; tech for democracy and human rights; internet shut downs, India being the number one country last year with 109 shut downs; so many factors shutting down the internet; human rights being limited and key word filtering; and about tools being abused and misused.
Session six was a panel of Spanish speaking women discussing the online gender-based violence and how there needs to be advancing digital rights in Latin America. They talked about having a public campaign of literacy; hope to reposition the topic of gender violence online; work to find out what happens with children online; violence normally found in society is now showing up online; and how sometimes it takes 8 years for a case to get in court.
And this was only the first day! It was filled with so much information and in such a short period of time, but so enlightening. We followed that up the next day with three more sessions.
Day Two
In session seven, the panel discussed digital technologies for inclusive climate and responsive development. They talked about how it took a pandemic to bring out the digital means of communication to the forefront; financial services being important; the role of digital, solution or pollution; ethical and social issues are now environmental issues; developing guidelines for including digital in financial sustainability; mobility services working with public transport; work on biodiversity, destination earth; and blockchain (per Wikipedia: a growing list of records, called blocks, that are securely linked together using cryptography.[1][2][3][4] Each block contains a cryptographic hash of the previous block, a timestamp, and transaction data).
Session eight, the topic was catalyzing young agri-entrepreneurs successes. The panel discussed the importance of starting businesses that use the resources in the area to produce product and providing that product to the local areas. There was a Mango farm and the products they produce and what they plan to do in the future; an organic waste company turning that organic waste into bio-fertilizer; as well as a company called The Market Movers that began providing products to the locals online (a digital platform) that has grown so quickly, starting 10 to 10 thousand and they now reach 500 thousand people by delivery. You could just feel the pride of what they had done.
The last session, session nine, was on tracing textiles and advanced technologies for sustainable value chains. The panel discussed global gateway in textiles for clothing and shoes; the importance of transparency and that it is becoming more available; collaboration across the value chain, facing a lot of problems and complexity but making visible what is invisible; the need to build capacity; and having traceability components.
Needless to say, the information that was shared in the two days we were there, we learned so much and that was just in the studio we were in! There were five topics you could tap into. Those were Digital (where we were), Transport, Climate & Energy, Health, and Education & Research, along with meeting rooms and exhibits you could join.
So, while there at the conference, we had to see some sights as well.
We went on a ride of the ferris wheel called The View. It was so great to see all the area in one place!
Then we went to the Grand Place. One of the most beautiful and ornate central squares I have seen yet. I understand that it is extra beautiful at Christmas time with the snow and lights adding to the atmosphere!
We also took in some amazing food, saw the Atomium (picture up top – went inside the structure) and the gorgeous Our Lady of Laeken church. It was all so amazing and I hope we can go again soon.
I look forward to our next journey and where it leads us. 🙂
Did you ever think about how traveling can help you deal with grief or loss? I didn’t! If you are looking for a way to deal with grief or loss, take a listen to Memento More. How Travel Can Help Us Deal With Death and Grief with Dr. Karen Wyatt. It is a very interesting podcast called Books and Travel by Joanna Penn. It is good information on how traveling can help.
It is scary to face change. Feeling anxious and uneasy about the future is normal. It will be okay and YOU will be okay. You are strong and brave. Just breathe. It’s all going to be okay.
Things I tell myself and remind myself when feeling stressed and anxious.
*- I have copied & pasted his words for your understanding of what is done here:
The Quote Game will be finishing Friday 14th but will be back from January 2019, whilst the Christmas Challenge is underway. For the next 7 days or so, on some topics l will be selecting 6 bloggers, but as a nominee, you only have to select the standard 3.
Three times a week, l will pick a random topic, post two quotes on that topic and nominate 3 bloggers, who in turn will post 2 quotes on the topic and nominate 3 bloggers of their own.
Rules: 3.2.1 Quote Me!
Thank the Selector
Post 2 quotes for the dedicated Topic of the Day.
Select 3 bloggers to take part in ‘3.2.1 Quote Me!’
Note: Although this is the topic for today there is no specific deadline to it, meaning you can answer as and when.
Please Note l will be reblogging your responses unless you wish for me to NOT do so.
Topic For Today: ”Self Confidence”
“Don’t be satisfied with stories, how things have gone with others. Unfold your own myth.”
― Rumi,
“Believe you can and you’re halfway there.”
― Theodore Roosevelt
