Me, writing, topics, sharing Archives

Hello Again!

25 August 202325 August 2023 wbelle

close up photo of hello sunshine book — Photo by Jessica Lewis Creative on Pexels.com

Having Covid for the first known time, I am so ready for it to be gone. I know it is not as bad as some have dealt with. By no means even close. It is all sinus yuck and continues to hang on. It has been nine days and the test still shows positive. Some would say that is normal, but I am not a patient person when I am sick, and like to get out there with people. Not a lot of people, definitely not a crowd, but my people. The community that is now mine. The friends and acquaintances that have made me feel a part of this place I now find myself in. But for now, I have to use a mask to protect them from the sickness that is staying in me and my partner. It makes me feel like I need to stay away and protect them from what I have and I don’t like feeling that way. I did that five, no six, years ago for a different reason and I don’t like myself for it. So feeling the same, it makes me dislike it even more.

But, here we (me and my partner) are with this dang Covid mess and trying to get better daily so that we can get back out there without feeling this way.

So, as we work to get better, we do what we can with our social media, podcasts, responding to emails, etc… Unfortunately, my creative studio is put on hold as well. The HVAC guys were supposed to come today to start with the installation of my unit and then tomorrow the electrician. So, until we show a negative test we will need to put off the guys coming in for a few days.

In the mean time I have been taking the time to read, along with other things needing to be done. I think I have read more this year already than I have in a very long time. 🙂 And this I do not mind at all!

I have read three books by Emmy R Bennett: Eye of the Raven, Eyes of Wynter and Different Shade of Wynter; Fair and Fury: The Fate King’s Mortal, Book 1 by Devon Atwood; Wonder Drug by Jennifer Vanderbes; Carolina Moon by Nora Roberts; and right now Playing To Lose by Ariel Anderssen. All great books! Not to mention the books we are reading together when we are in the car or traveling.

We continue to keep ourselves busy and occupied while getting through the Covid. I hope you all are staying well and healthy. And remember:

You are always loved, needed, wanted and you make a difference in people’s lives.

Belle xoxo

Blog, Me, writing, topics, sharing, Update

Hello!! Long Time No See

15 June 202315 June 2023 wbelle

Here I am after a long time away. Hello!

I have let life take me away from some of the things I love doing. And really, that’s okay. We need to live and let live sometimes rather than stay in our own little cocoon. I know I go there a bit too often. Or, that is, I used to. Now it is more of a choice when I go there, to get away on my own or to do something specific. I have found many things out about myself that I wasn’t sure of before but am most definite about now. These things happen the older you get and the more you pay attention and grow.

When you get between the ages of forty-five to fifty-five (at least for me) you begin to see things happening when a woman. Such as pre-menopause to menopause and all the changes you are going through and dealing with. From there, you figure out how to deal with and work through the changes and ways that help you get through them smoothly. Unfortunately it isn’t a smooth change. There are a lot of ups and downs when going through the changes. There is physical changes, such as bleeding in over abundance to not bleeding at all (TMI, but true); tummy bloating; hairs appearing on chins and faces, or even other places they shouldn’t be; water retention; not sleeping or sleeping a lot, etc… Then the emotions are up and down; anxiety and depression; and so much more.

Now, along with this, I am remarried and living away from my family after moving from Georgia, USA to London, UK. I have noticed little things when talking to others and my husband, that I do (or don’t do) and am pretty sure I can link these things to ADD/ADHD. My youngest son was diagnosed with ADHD when he was in third grade at the age of seven. Here are my symptoms for my self-diagnoses: I do not stay focused on tasks, very easily distracted, I am disorganized, take on multiple tasks and do not finish them, fail to meet deadlines, have a hard time paying attention in long meetings or discussions, I miss important details in conversations, easily bored, am forgetful, have a hard time communicating with others in an effective way when trying to get a point across; feel like when someone tells me I need to do something or change something, or even just that “something needs to be done” (even if not just specifically to me) I feel it is that person saying I am a failure; I hide to take myself away from situations (like shutting down and not talking to others and staying home instead of being with family or friends) and feel undervalued because of my nature to take a step back from the spotlight. The stay focused, easily distracted and disorganized are my top three areas for me that are the hardest. I also believe either that or the menopause is the reason my memorizing lyrics has failed. So frustrating!

I have received some great recommendations on things to help and unfortunately a lot of these things don’t help me but can help others. Such as lists and reminders. They are somewhat good but not full proof. The lists I may forget to go back to for a while and the reminders I will put off or accidentally check as if done and then forget about.

So, like I said, frustrating and makes me anxious to “fix” myself. Which, by the way, you can’t “fix” but you can help yourself to make things better. This I am working on and working to understand more each day. It really does affect my writing, singing, and anything else I need to get done daily.

On another note, we are going to Sweden next week for the Midsummer Celebrations. Shopping day today for that and my birthday, which is tomorrow. 🙂 I will put a reminder to post about it! Haha! Hopefully I won’t put it off nor forget. (*covers face*)

I hope you all have a great weekend and see you sooner rather than later! ; D

Belle xoxo

Diary of Me, Me, writing, topics, sharing

Things I am learning about in me

10 September 2021 wbelle

Here I am again to talk about things going on with me

I have had a lot of changes in my life in the last few years. Now that I have been through the emotional changes, things going on around and getting through them, I am now realizing and experiencing physical things and changes. These are the things I am learning about in me.

I have been dealing with hearing loss in my left ear.

Beginning a couple of years ago I noticed something going on with my hearing in my left ear, especially when in the quiet car. It felt blocked and not right. I would turn on the music just so I wouldn’t notice it as much, thinking it was my sinuses draining and causing problems. Finally, I went to the doctor and was referred to an ENT. The ENT could not see a problem so sent me to get a hearing test done to determine if there was something inside. The testing came back mild hearing loss and so he suggested allergy tests to be done to rule out allergies.

This took a whole other turn! I was found to be allergic to basically everything outside plus cats! Allergy shots began. I had them every week for a year until I moved here to London. Now I give myself the shots once every month. However, I still had problems with my hearing in the left ear. It continued to feel like something is blocking it and I can hear movement like sinuses moving inside.

So, once here, I told my doctor about it and they sent me for an audio gram. The same analysis as before was given. Mild hearing loss. But, because I was hearing movement he suggested to my doctor that I be seen by an ENT. When telling my doctor this on my telephone appointment this morning she decided to first get an MRI done on the left ear to rule out a tumor. A tumor?!? Yikes! Okay, no reason getting worried until we get results.

So that is my hearing problems in a nut shell.

Now about my low back, hips, gluts and side of legs, especially the right side.

Before I came to London I was having some low back issues and even though I was getting massages every now and then when I could, the problems seemed to be getting worse. I was referred to Physical Therapy for a time before the pandemic hit and then did the exercises during the pandemic since I could not be seen by my therapist.

Once I came to London, I was being seen by a physiotherapist and continued to have problems and sensitivity in my lower back. She worked with a chiropractor and suggested I be seen by her. I was seen and wow what a change! By the second treatment the sensitivity and pain I had been living with was gone. My lower back was so much better it was astonishing.

I continued to be seen by them both, along with our yoga massage therapist and trainer every week. I felt I was getting stronger until I suddenly started getting pain down the outside of my legs. The right leg was worse than the left and continued to get worse. I finally tried to get in touch with the doctor to find out what I should do.

Over the phone I discussed with the doctor about what was going on (As you see above). She has suggested there may be arthritis in my legs that is causing the pain so is referring me for an x-ray. Once that is ruled out or verified we will go from there to determine treatment.

This is where I am

So, now I am in limbo to know what is going on with me but also moving forward at the same time. At least something is being done to determine what my issues are and then we can move on with treatment. I just feel like since I have reached this age (54) I have so many more issues yet feel more knowing of myself than ever before. The journey continues and I am actually looking ahead and expectant of what will be next in my life.

One thing I am very excited about is I will be flying home to the states in October to see my boys and their families, my parents, my sister, and my friends. My granddaughters will both be turning one year old in October and November. I get there between their birthdays so I can celebrate them while I am there for three weeks. How great is that?!

Belle xo

Me, writing, topics, sharing

Continue to Learn and Be Enlightened

3 March 2020 wbelle

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*Photo from Pixabay

I have not felt like writing very much recently. Mainly because no matter what I do, I am constantly being watched for what I write. And if by any chance I say something “wrong” (even with hardly any followers on my blog) an alarm goes out and I am shut down again.

I started this blog to be able first to share things, like a journal, and not affect anyone, and yet get thoughts out of my head, get support, and show others possibly going through the same thing that they are not alone. Second to be able to write poems and stories, etc, and let my creative side spill out and not be held inside. And yet, here it is being held in again because of this.

I have reached a place in my life where I am finding the real me, understanding some things I didn’t before and feeling more myself than I have in such a very long time. I have found that I am an extremely sensitive person of which I thought meant I was needy and over the top. Now I understand it just means that I have a gift for feeling things from others around me in which makes me extra empathetic. Now I understand why I could always put myself in other people’s shoes and feel what they felt and understood their side of things better than most. And why my emotions sometimes were all over the place when in certain situations. And also why I needed and enjoyed being by myself.

It also explained why I felt the need to help those around me and take on their problems when they were not mine to take on. Why I don’t like chaos and want everyone happy around me, so I tried all ways to make those around me happy, even if it meant I was not happy. But I thought I was happy because others around me were.

Understanding these things has put more confidence in me to the point I feel my fire coming back. The light inside of me is growing strong again. I still cringe when someone I love is not happy. But I understand more now, that I have to be happy too and my life has to be lived separately as well as with the ones I love. So that we are all happy in our own way.

Anyway friends, I just wanted to share these things and I am finding my voice again and my confidence in my writing and love of creativity. Hopefully, because of this, I will have some things to share very soon.

Until then, stay well. Keep an open mind and keep learning in life and in you.

Belle xo

Me, writing, topics, sharing, Update

Things I Have Done and Things In The Works

16 September 2019 wbelle

*Pixabay

I would like to share with you, dear readers, some things I have done and am working on. I have had so much going on in my life for the past few years and have found again my love of writing in the midst of this. So that, along with my love of singing and using my voice, I have decided on a lot of avenues to be able to do with these things I love. Here goes….

*You know (or maybe you don’t), I wrote a book about erotica, mystery, adventure and love. It helped me escape from things I was trying to deal with in my life at the time as well as help me to express myself in a different way. I let the story pour out of me and take on a life of its own. I am proud of that book. I know that some of my family and friends do not approve of it nor of some of the things in it, but that’s okay. They do not have to read it nor accept it. And I am going through it now to correct errors and edit it a bit more, so I will be reintroducing it once that is done. I am also going to start writing a second book with some of the same characters in it. I feel, even if it never goes far, at least I tried.

*I am also writing a couple of other stories and am hoping they do well also, especially one of them. These will be under the name I use here, Belle Scribe. I enjoy the twist and turns you can make in a story and its fun to see where the story can go. I am really excited!

*I have written short stories and poems that I am thinking of making into books of each. I have so many of these, and I see others doing the same, as in putting them in a book together. I think it is a great idea and am looking more into this. We will see.

*Last but definitely not least, I am working on doing some audio work. I have not been able to use my voice as much as I like, not having a full-on band to play with recently, other than on Sunday mornings. So, I thought, what can I do to use my voice and share it with the world? Audio work! (Like audio book work, voice over, reading short stories for myself and others) And now my small audio studio is set and ready to go. I have done a couple of test readings and so far they are good. I will be putting some audio to the stories here and hope you all will give me some good feed back once I do. It would be very much appreciated, if so. 🙂

I have been listening to a lot of great podcasts recently regarding entrepreneurship, writing and audio, so am very excited to put things into practice and get started from here! And if you need someone to read your stories or help out, please let me know!

Belle xo