Category: me

Blog, me, sharing

I Apologize

wbelle 
Getting to an understanding of myself and what I do
I see I have not been honest in the way I am
Freezing up and shutting down, putting up a wall too
Its unhelpful that way I chose to deal and 

I apologize for the way I handled things 
I always thought I was good at communicating 
Until I wasn’t with the ones I love  
and that mean the most to me in this world

It’s important to get this right and say it the best way I can
I am who I am and I love who I love
If I loved you at any point in my life, I still do
I do not hold grudges and I don’t just stop caring

I am a simple yet complicated person
I may hold things back but will tell you how I feel when asked
It may not be what you want or your version
It is just my perspective in one blast

Knowing what I know now explains so much 
Not only how I was then but how I handled things 
And how I saw things in my head and surroundings
My overactive and overthinking brain as it was, is and will be

I have always wanted to fit in, to make others happy and feel that they are worth so much
My love is so strong and over the top at times that I may overwhelm others
But it is me and how I am, to the point I overwhelm myself at times
Then at other times I hold back, not sure it, or I, will be accepted

I hold things in and stay away when I don’t want to hurt others or share my problems
In my mind I am saving others from problems they don’t want nor need 
Not realizing by staying away it doesn’t help either
So I end up causing problems anyway

So I apologize to those I love and to myself for not understanding until recently
To understand myself helps me understand my past and to understand others around me
It also helps for my now and future understandings
Do you understand what I am saying?

The point is, as I have always believed, we are always learning, teaching and understanding
This includes ourselves, others, and life in general
We have to live life to the fullest and do all we can to be in the now
For ourselves, others and just life

So, to myself and all reading this, know you are loved, are enough, are in this life to live it to the fullest and do your part to make an impact, if only a small one
It doesn’t have to be big, but you ARE making a difference by just being here in this world we live in

All my love 
xoxo


me, Mental Health, writing

This Is Me

wbelle

I feel in limbo for some reason at the moment. I need a purpose to focus on. I feel I am missing my boys so much I am overthinking things again and misreading signs. I haven’t been able to go back to the states as I usually do (three to four times a year) due to prices going up and our doing the studio redo this year. I can’t contact my youngest son through message nor calls because of his phone for some reason, and my contact with my oldest son is usually short. So, I can’t help myself from feeling they are cutting me off more for some reason. I know this is not true, but that is my thought process when in the negative mode and self loathing. Not good, but at least I know when I am there and need to work through it.

I have talked to my youngest through Instagram now and know his new phone is not accepting messages, he is hopefully going this week to get it fixed. I also talked to my oldest and he told me to stop being so negative. Haha! He knows. So all okay. *shrug* Like I say, the communication is so important for me. Especially after I was so bad for a few years about communicating with my loved ones to block myself and them from hurt as I was going through my separation and divorce. That was wrong and I know it and am trying to make sure I don’t do it again.

Yesterday was Mental Health Day and I didn’t even realize it. It is so important to know yourself and what you need to work on with your mental health. Get the help you need. Whether it be counseling, medicines or just learning ways to help you cope. For me, counseling was so helpful in the beginning. She helped me work through things, understand myself so much better and gave me coping skills I would never have had if it weren’t for her. Once I moved away, I carried that with me, along with meds that have leveled most of my anxiety and emotions from getting out of control. I am on a lower dose so know this is also a reason my emotions are at a higher level at the moment.

I don’t know about you, but change of season also has a bearing on my mood. When it starts to get darker sooner and the days get shorter it takes a bit to get through that until the wonderful holiday season to lift the spirits. Celebrating Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas and the New Year are usually times for great celebrations and uplifting of spirits that make you happy, smiling and sharing the joy with others. The decorations, lights and uplifted moods of others help so much. At least they help me. I know for others it is not a good time of year for them. This is hard and I recommend trying to find the best coping skills available if at all possible.

If you can, surround yourself with positive people and ones that love and support you. I have some amazing friends and family that support me and love me no matter what I am going through (even when I don’t think I deserve it or think I’m alone when I am not). Also, realize one of the best things you can do is to learn to love yourself and be comfortable with who you are enough to be happy to be alone with yourself.

These are things that have helped me through some hard times :

  • A journal
  • Starting a blog
  • Music
  • Drawing, coloring or some other form of art
  • Reading
  • Social Media (this one is a positive outlet until it isn’t anymore. Once it isn’t, let it go)
  • Games & puzzles
  • Learn something new, like recipes or a language

These have helped me a lot and I still use most of them when I need to. I hope they can help you or anyone you know that might need these suggestions.

With that, I say have a great day, make great choices, love yourself and those around you. Live life to the fullest and don’t take one moment for granted.

Until next time, love to all!

Belle xoxo

Fun, me, Name3

Today’s Fun Three

wbelle

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Name Three …

So, A Guy called Bloke and K9 Doodlepip put out these name three things and I jumped in to take part today! So here goes…

Things you never want to do, but have to?  Pay bills, face conflict, go to work :p

Characters found in The Magic Faraway Tree that weren’t human?  Since I have never read these books, I have no idea! I will have to read these books now!

Things that are yellow and round?  The sun, a sunflower, a yolk of an egg

Mythical Creatures that begin with the letter G Gorgon, Genie, Giant

Mammals that don’t have a tail? Humans, Apes, Bats

American heavy metal bands? AC/DC, Def Leppard, Exodus

Films with the number 3 in the title? Three Amigos, Three Coins in the Fountain, Three Men and a Baby

Things that best describe who you are? Music, Butterflies, Bright colors

Aztec Gods/Goddesses? Tlaloc, Tonatiuh, Tezcatlipoca

Planets in our galaxy? Other than Earth…, Mars, Venus, Mercury

Things that shouldn’t be in your fridge today but are? A very old container of soup, whip cream, chocolate chip cookie dough

Things you always forget at the last minute before going out? Jewelry, umbrella, bags for car

Actors you admire? Sandra Bullock, Tom Hanks, Amy Adams

Ways you can laugh? Giggle, Laugh out loud (I mean really loud!), Quietly (like hand over the mouth quiet)

Things you should have when you are very old but probably won’t? Money (yeah I can just see it now), a voice (to sing), comfort (at least I won’t think it is enough) 😉

Things you have achieved and are proud of? Setting up this blog and writing, doing things I never thought I would (like travel), overcoming my adversity to not being good enough

Your worst habits? Saying yes to everything and everyone, not speaking up, trying to make everyone happy

Belle xo

Fun, me, sharing

Name Three Things

wbelle

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Saw this on The Haunted Wordsmith blog that A Guy Called Bloke and K9 Doodlepip posted originally.  Thought it looked fun so here goes….

Name three things –

That you cannot under any circumstances live without ?  Water, food, sleep

That you write about every week?  Life issues, poems, fun prompts

That you wouldn’t recommend doing whilst holding one foot in the air?  Walking, dancing, standing for any amount of time

That you say to people every day?  Thank you, Have a great day, May I help you?

To do with your street?  Traffic, houses, trees

That you can eat with brown sauce? If meaning brown gravy, then…mashed potatoes, biscuits, ground steak

You like about your favourite bloggers? The fun they have, the comments they make, the support I feel

That you don’t eat every week? Sweets/candy, bread, pastries/baked goods

That you wished you could eat every day? Pies, bread, steak

About your favourite pair of shoes that you like? Broke in, cute, go with everything

That annoyingly always arrive in three? Deaths, bad news, good news (like pregnancies)

About books you really don’t like?  That I don’t have enough, they are mainly ebooks now, that I don’t have enough 😉

Belle xo