Today is the thirtieth of January, 2024. This month has flown by as the years seem to be doing. My grand babies are three (grand daughters) and three months (grand son). I sit here on our couch in the living room looking out the window with our dog laying in front of me and one of our cats vying for my attention. It is a cloudy day with the sun trying to pop out from behind the clouds. Each day we plan things and only get to maybe half of what was planned, but at least we get that much done.
I am getting over a nasty cold I have had for the last five days and finally feeling toward the end of it. I have tried out Tai Chi and Zumba these last two days because the pilates classes I go to are full due to the first part of the year new year resolutions of those going back to the gym for the first month. Loved the Tai Chi and already have scheduled another class for next week. The Zumba was fun and I might try a different instructor just to get a feel for the different instructing, even though I really enjoyed the instructor today.
I have done a lot of writing, reading and playing games recently. It keeps me busy until I can get a chair in my studio and a stool to work on at the table. I have also started making candles which I am loving. I am still doing videos for social media but not as much. We have a lot of goals this year so are making lists to keep up with them.
Among all of this, I am just enjoying being alive. I am loving the people around me, and of course my family and friends that are far away from me. I try my best to stay in touch with everyone regularly, but it is really hard at times. All the same, I am hoping they do know how much I love them.
We won’t be as busy tomorrow so I hope to get a lot more done. We will be steadily busy but able to fit things in for the rest of the week. Then we have a friend coming to stay for the weekend so that will be fun!
Have a great rest of your week and I will try to update as often as I can.
I feel in limbo for some reason at the moment. I need a purpose to focus on. I feel I am missing my boys so much I am overthinking things again and misreading signs. I haven’t been able to go back to the states as I usually do (three to four times a year) due to prices going up and our doing the studio redo this year. I can’t contact my youngest son through message nor calls because of his phone for some reason, and my contact with my oldest son is usually short. So, I can’t help myself from feeling they are cutting me off more for some reason. I know this is not true, but that is my thought process when in the negative mode and self loathing. Not good, but at least I know when I am there and need to work through it.
I have talked to my youngest through Instagram now and know his new phone is not accepting messages, he is hopefully going this week to get it fixed. I also talked to my oldest and he told me to stop being so negative. Haha! He knows. So all okay. *shrug* Like I say, the communication is so important for me. Especially after I was so bad for a few years about communicating with my loved ones to block myself and them from hurt as I was going through my separation and divorce. That was wrong and I know it and am trying to make sure I don’t do it again.
Yesterday was Mental Health Day and I didn’t even realize it. It is so important to know yourself and what you need to work on with your mental health. Get the help you need. Whether it be counseling, medicines or just learning ways to help you cope. For me, counseling was so helpful in the beginning. She helped me work through things, understand myself so much better and gave me coping skills I would never have had if it weren’t for her. Once I moved away, I carried that with me, along with meds that have leveled most of my anxiety and emotions from getting out of control. I am on a lower dose so know this is also a reason my emotions are at a higher level at the moment.
I don’t know about you, but change of season also has a bearing on my mood. When it starts to get darker sooner and the days get shorter it takes a bit to get through that until the wonderful holiday season to lift the spirits. Celebrating Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas and the New Year are usually times for great celebrations and uplifting of spirits that make you happy, smiling and sharing the joy with others. The decorations, lights and uplifted moods of others help so much. At least they help me. I know for others it is not a good time of year for them. This is hard and I recommend trying to find the best coping skills available if at all possible.
If you can, surround yourself with positive people and ones that love and support you. I have some amazing friends and family that support me and love me no matter what I am going through (even when I don’t think I deserve it or think I’m alone when I am not). Also, realize one of the best things you can do is to learn to love yourself and be comfortable with who you are enough to be happy to be alone with yourself.
These are things that have helped me through some hard times :
A journal
Starting a blog
Music
Drawing, coloring or some other form of art
Reading
Social Media (this one is a positive outlet until it isn’t anymore. Once it isn’t, let it go)
Games & puzzles
Learn something new, like recipes or a language
These have helped me a lot and I still use most of them when I need to. I hope they can help you or anyone you know that might need these suggestions.
With that, I say have a great day, make great choices, love yourself and those around you. Live life to the fullest and don’t take one moment for granted.
When things are bothering me, the best way for me to deal is to write about it. I chose this life I live and I love where I am. The only regret I have is the distance I am from my family. I can’t just call and know I will be able to talk to my boys. They are busy with their own lives and families. I can’t just drive for a few hours to see my boys and their families, my parents, nor my sister. At times I feel cut off from the ones I love.
Also, when I start overthinking things, which I have a tendency to do (especially when I have no response when texting/messaging), I think I have done something to upset them or they just don’t care. That is me and I know it. It still doesn’t help my brain with that fact. My love is so strong for those I love I let it overwhelm me at times. So much that it hurts. I feel so weird with this fact, but it is who I am.
I have felt recently that I need something substantial to focus my time and effort into. I am not working and don’t need to do so at this time. However, I feel like I am not doing my part in our relationship when I don’t do anything to add to it work wise. I have always worked since I was fifteen years old. I have always earned my way in life and it just doesn’t feel right to me at this time to not be doing so.
I will be honest, I feel I get on these emotional rollercoasters when things happen with my family that I can’t be a part of, even though it was my choice to not be there so I can go for something else for them. I have to be the adult about things and it makes me feel weak and disliked for it. This is my flaw and my problem, and I don’t like the way it makes me feel. I also feel alone in this feeling. These feelings are the bad ones: I’m not good enough, I could do better, I don’t love enough, I’m a bad mom/daughter/sister/partner, etc….
As you can tell, this is really getting to me when it is enough to write about it.
I feel I need to accomplish something. To make a mark in this world. (I know I’m not the only one) But how? I’m good with singing. I’m pretty good with writing. I love animals. I love people. I am pretty good with art and being creative. I just don’t know how to use these things to make a difference somehow.
So, that is my sharing for now. I hope you have a great day, dear reader, and know if you are feeling the same, you see you are not alone.
Having Covid for the first known time, I am so ready for it to be gone. I know it is not as bad as some have dealt with. By no means even close. It is all sinus yuck and continues to hang on. It has been nine days and the test still shows positive. Some would say that is normal, but I am not a patient person when I am sick, and like to get out there with people. Not a lot of people, definitely not a crowd, but my people. The community that is now mine. The friends and acquaintances that have made me feel a part of this place I now find myself in. But for now, I have to use a mask to protect them from the sickness that is staying in me and my partner. It makes me feel like I need to stay away and protect them from what I have and I don’t like feeling that way. I did that five, no six, years ago for a different reason and I don’t like myself for it. So feeling the same, it makes me dislike it even more.
But, here we (me and my partner) are with this dang Covid mess and trying to get better daily so that we can get back out there without feeling this way.
So, as we work to get better, we do what we can with our social media, podcasts, responding to emails, etc… Unfortunately, my creative studio is put on hold as well. The HVAC guys were supposed to come today to start with the installation of my unit and then tomorrow the electrician. So, until we show a negative test we will need to put off the guys coming in for a few days.
In the mean time I have been taking the time to read, along with other things needing to be done. I think I have read more this year already than I have in a very long time. 🙂 And this I do not mind at all!
I have read three books by Emmy R Bennett: Eye of the Raven, Eyes of Wynter and Different Shade of Wynter; Fair and Fury: The Fate King’s Mortal, Book 1 by Devon Atwood; Wonder Drug by Jennifer Vanderbes; Carolina Moon by Nora Roberts; and right now Playing To Lose by Ariel Anderssen. All great books! Not to mention the books we are reading together when we are in the car or traveling.
We continue to keep ourselves busy and occupied while getting through the Covid. I hope you all are staying well and healthy. And remember:
You are always loved, needed, wanted and you make a difference in people’s lives.
(A young woman takes a break to do something analog like writing in her journal and drinking tea. This is a healthy practice for those who experience anxiety.)
As I am preparing to record my next podcast I started thinking about life and all I have done in this year so far. More than half has gone and it is August in just a few days. The last podcast I did was in March, that’s how busy we have been. My partner and I always stay busy. If we aren’t traveling, we are doing things around here because there is so much to see and do. Things I have never seen nor done and some that even he has not done, so it benefits us both.
I miss my family since they are all in the United States and I am here in the UK, therefore I try to go three to four times a year to see them and spend time with them. Especially since I have two grand daughters and soon to have a grand son! I usually stay with my parents, which is very special to me. I know how important it is to be close to my parents and make memories with them. The same in seeing my boys and their families. Memories and time with them is so important and precious to me. Much more important than I ever realized. So much I took for granted before.
Also, I realize there are things I still need to learn to do, even at my age of 50+. If I ever am on my own again, I will need to take care of things I have trusted others to do, or did not realize at all were needing to be done. There are also things I used to put off for one reason or another and now that I am understanding why, I just need to learn how to deal with this quirk I have and work with it. It is who I am and the more I can learn to work with it the better off I am in myself.
*Do you have any quirky things you have learned about yourself recently? What are these things? It’s good to know others are in the same area and not alone.*
These are just a few things I just wanted to jot down and get out of my head. The constant swimming around in your head and not letting them out just causes you to overthink and be anxious. I know I am not alone in this so thought I would share.
I have let life take me away from some of the things I love doing. And really, that’s okay. We need to live and let live sometimes rather than stay in our own little cocoon. I know I go there a bit too often. Or, that is, I used to. Now it is more of a choice when I go there, to get away on my own or to do something specific. I have found many things out about myself that I wasn’t sure of before but am most definite about now. These things happen the older you get and the more you pay attention and grow.
When you get between the ages of forty-five to fifty-five (at least for me) you begin to see things happening when a woman. Such as pre-menopause to menopause and all the changes you are going through and dealing with. From there, you figure out how to deal with and work through the changes and ways that help you get through them smoothly. Unfortunately it isn’t a smooth change. There are a lot of ups and downs when going through the changes. There is physical changes, such as bleeding in over abundance to not bleeding at all (TMI, but true); tummy bloating; hairs appearing on chins and faces, or even other places they shouldn’t be; water retention; not sleeping or sleeping a lot, etc… Then the emotions are up and down; anxiety and depression; and so much more.
Now, along with this, I am remarried and living away from my family after moving from Georgia, USA to London, UK. I have noticed little things when talking to others and my husband, that I do (or don’t do) and am pretty sure I can link these things to ADD/ADHD. My youngest son was diagnosed with ADHD when he was in third grade at the age of seven. Here are my symptoms for my self-diagnoses: I do not stay focused on tasks, very easily distracted, I am disorganized, take on multiple tasks and do not finish them, fail to meet deadlines, have a hard time paying attention in long meetings or discussions, I miss important details in conversations, easily bored, am forgetful, have a hard time communicating with others in an effective way when trying to get a point across; feel like when someone tells me I need to do something or change something, or even just that “something needs to be done” (even if not just specifically to me) I feel it is that person saying I am a failure; I hide to take myself away from situations (like shutting down and not talking to others and staying home instead of being with family or friends) and feel undervalued because of my nature to take a step back from the spotlight. The stay focused, easily distracted and disorganized are my top three areas for me that are the hardest. I also believe either that or the menopause is the reason my memorizing lyrics has failed. So frustrating!
I have received some great recommendations on things to help and unfortunately a lot of these things don’t help me but can help others. Such as lists and reminders. They are somewhat good but not full proof. The lists I may forget to go back to for a while and the reminders I will put off or accidentally check as if done and then forget about.
So, like I said, frustrating and makes me anxious to “fix” myself. Which, by the way, you can’t “fix” but you can help yourself to make things better. This I am working on and working to understand more each day. It really does affect my writing, singing, and anything else I need to get done daily.
On another note, we are going to Sweden next week for the Midsummer Celebrations. Shopping day today for that and my birthday, which is tomorrow. 🙂 I will put a reminder to post about it! Haha! Hopefully I won’t put it off nor forget. (*covers face*)
I hope you all have a great weekend and see you sooner rather than later! ; D
I flew to the states to see my family and friends before Christmas. I would be there for two weeks (13 days). Planned on seeing my sons and their girls the Sunday of the full weekend I would be there, to celebrate Christmas with them. Unfortunately I received a call from my oldest to tell me he had Covid so would need to reschedule our get together. So we decided I would get with my youngest son and his girls and then later in the week hopefully see my oldest and his girls.
So during my first week I saw many friends and on Saturday my parents and I met my sister and brother in law for dinner. Then we drove together to see Christmas lights called Lights of Hope. We had a good time together and it was so great seeing them.
Sunday I drove a little over two hours to see my youngest, my daughter in law and my grand daughter. We had such a great time together. He cooked pancakes for brunch, they opened gifts, we went shopping at a market in town, and then we had chicken Alfredo which my son cooked as well. A wonderful time spent together, but of course too quick and too short.
Saw more friends during the week and then my parents and I went to the botanical gardens in Athens where right at the end when we were in the shops before leaving, we came across the best surprise of all. My wonderful friend from high school and her husband (also a friend from school) and their grand daughter. I was so happy to see them, especially her, when I am guessing it has been about twenty eight years since we have seen each other. 🙂 That was such an unexpected treat!
Then after talking to my oldest son, we decided to be smart and responsible and not meet up since he was just getting over Covid, my daughter in law now had it and the little one might possibly have it. (Received a text this morning that she is positive) So, he called by FaceTime and we talked, I got to see my grand daughter, he took me on a tour of the new house and I saw my daughter in law. I then sent their presents the next morning to make sure they got them before Christmas. I was told they would be there the next day! Amazing!
Today, my last full day here in the states, I will be spending with my parents. We are going to see my cousins and Aunt and Uncle for a late lunch. It is a little over two hours one way so not too bad but will take up the rest of the afternoon. Can’t wait to see everyone.
Then I get a flight out tomorrow evening back to London and will arrive Sunday morning.
Now back in London
My flight back was good and uneventful, thank goodness. I was even able to get a few hours sleep, which I normally don’t do on flights. Jetlag was not bad this time, thank goodness. Being the week before Christmas, we had a lot to do. Our physiotherapist ended up with the flu, our girl that does our hair had an accident which totaled her car, so that wasn’t good news. However, it did free us up to do other things that needed doing. We met with friends on Friday before Christmas for a few hours, went to Winter Wonderland in London on Christmas Eve, which both were a lot of fun! So, all in all it was a good week leading up to Christmas Day.
On Christmas Day my step daughter came and spent the afternoon with us as well as our neighbor across the street, we had dinner and exchanged gifts and just enjoyed each other’s company. I also had FaceTime calls from my boys and my parents/sister.
On Boxing Day, we were not able to spend the day with my other step daughter and her family because they were dealing with the flu. So, we decided to go to downtown London and enjoy the lights. The lights in London are always so beautiful and magical. Even with all the craziness of loads of people being there, we really had a good time and took lots of pictures. 🙂
We are now looking forward to Wednesday night at Southbank Centre to see Dolly Parton Christmas Carol, New Year’s Eve with my step daughter and her family to see the lights and then on my husband’s birthday we are going to see ABBA! We are really enjoying this time of the year, even though at times one of us, if not both, have been a bit anxious for one reason or another.
Happy Holidays
With all this said, I hope you all had a wonderful Christmas holiday with lots of treats as well. I wish you all a very happy holiday and a brilliant new year!!
Music has been part of my life for as long as I can remember. From nursery songs, to singing in the youth choir when young, to being in a band once my boys were older. It is in my veins and is a part of me. I would write poems when I was young thinking one day they would be a song. I think I have this love of music from my mom and I know for a fact my boys have gotten it from me. And now, my youngest grand daughter has gotten the love of music from her daddy. It makes my heart so happy.
When my boys were older I recorded a CD in Charlotte, North Carolina. It is mainly country songs and I had a band from Nashville, Tennessee come do the music for the CD. It was amazing and an experience I will never forget.
And, I just found out from a friend that she found my cd online when looking up the name Welcome Inside. I looked and sure enough it was there! I had forgotten I had downloaded the whole CD on ReverbNation.
I have a quick bio on there you can read about :
I started singing as soon as I could. I remember when, in the car and trying to sing along with a song on the radio, my mom would say, “Don’t sing unless you know the words.” If you don’t think that made me learn the words quick!!! I started singing in the youth choir around 10 years old. Once in High School was in the school pagent and that was the first time my mom and dad ever heard me sing solo and were both shocked that they never knew. Then my senior year I was in the band and drama clubs in school, choir in church and took vocal lessons. Wanted to major in music at college but figured out it was mainly focusing on opera and teaching so changed over to mass communications. I have done some singing at weddings, sang in a christian accapella group in college, sing solos at church and auditioned for Nashville Star! I just love singing and would do it everyday if given the chance!! To do this, I have now found a band to hook up with in my area. We are called “Borderlyne Band.” My CD is now finalized and available. The CD has all original music from songwriters from Songramp.com. The CD was recorded at a studio in Charlotte, NC called GAT3 and the musicians for the project were from Nashville, TN. Eventually I would like to record some of my own songs as well. My guys (my husband and two sons) are very excited about it for me too, along with my family and friends. The CD is available for purchase. Just email me at dawn_michele1@yahoo.com to get infomation. We are so excited! The songs that are on the CD are on this site right now. I hope you enjoy them and I will continue to give updates! Dawn : )
Well, there is quite a bit that needs updating in that paragraph! LOL! I will be going back to that page to do so now that I found it!
I am now looking for music outlets here
Now that I am in London, I am looking to join a band. I met with a couple of band members a week ago but they decided to go with another female vocalist. So, I continue to look. I haven’t been able to perform really since Covid hit in 2020. I am really missing it! I was given this gift for a reason and hate I am not using it. But hopefully I will be soon.
On my podcast Coffee, Wine and Chocolate I talk this week about music and the positive benefits, as well as malt wine and the positive benefits of nature and our mental health. You can find my podcast on any podcast player you listen to.
I am going to the states in December to see family and friends for a couple of weeks before Christmas. I really look forward to it. Even though it is never long enough, I treasure every moment I have with those I love.
Here I sit while my partner is in a meeting. I have been working on our joint podcast, my podcast, our website and many other things. As I was sitting here thinking about a subject for my next podcast this popped into my head:
The Past is important to remember, The Present is important to live in and The Future is important to look forward to.
We learn so much from the past. What we learn, we take forward to the now and future. Both the good and the bad.
As we live in the present, we continue to take in our daily learning and change constantly. We take what we learn into the future.
The future being the next hour, the next day, the next month, the next year and so on.
It’s so important to live in the moment. Not to take anything or anyone for granted. What happens happens for a reason. The people in our life are also there for a reason. Take in the moment and realize that it may not be this way forever. That will help you through what is hard and/or make you look forward to more (or similar/better) of what is good.
No, I am not always positive, but I do look for the positive in everything and everyone around me. It helps.
