Mental Health, Podcast

Hello Again!

white and pink hello you card
Photo by Claire Morgan on Pexels.com

Let Me Tell You What’s Up!

Being so focused on my podcast and content for it, I have been very slack in my content here. I have a hard time seeing how people do all the things and don’t burn out!! Seeing folks that do writing, podcasting, YouTube, all media, etc., I don’t get it. I mean, ALL THE THINGS, along with family and sometimes even a full-time job! How the heck do they do it????

And here is little ole me, with my ADD self trying my hardest just to focus on getting my content done for my podcast and not get lost in the social media as I try to put the content on that social media for my podcast! Haha!

But Why Go From Blog To Podcast?

Maybe it would help if I explained a little bit better about how and why I decided to start doing a podcast.

As all of my reader friends pretty much know, I started writing my blog to get me through some rough times. A lot of us start blogs for this reason. Some for other reasons, like a live journal, or a calendar to keep tabs on ourselves, etc. Mine was to share things I was going through, get them out of my head, and maybe have others going through the same thing join me in understanding. Not to bash anyone or to get revenge. It was for my own peace of mind and relief from thoughts. And wow did it help! And the people and friends I have met have been wonderful!

So, in the last six months, since I arrived home a few days early from my trip to London because of the emergency of COVID-19, I have gone through many ups and downs, in not only emotions but happenings, thoughts, decisions, and experiences.

Emotions, Happenings & Thoughts

Like so many, I have gone through a multitude of emotions because of Covid-19. It started with the anxiety of having to decide to come home a few days early from my trip and be self-quarantined for fourteen days by myself. My parents graciously got me the things I would need initially and left them in the house so that once I was home that evening I would have them immediately. Then, over the next two weeks I had two close friends and my parents (again, bless them) check on me and bring me things voluntarily and when needed. I continued on past those fourteen days being uneasy and not knowing what to expect with this virus pandemic.

Believing I would be okay but worried about others I love, I was getting restless and falling into the negative thoughts. Not working, so I was trying to determine what to do to keep myself busy, continued to attend my counseling online, and do regular exercise so that I would not become lazy and depressed. Feeling and seeing all the hate and anger stemming from the social distancing and the worry people were going through, along with media hyping up certain things to raise anxiety, I was determined to find something I could do to help bring some positivity and light into the world if just a little bit.

My decision to lend my voice into the positivity mode

Once I realized I couldn’t do the singing that I love on a regular basis during this virus social distancing and quarantine time, I had to figure out some way to use this voice of mine. I was given this gift for a reason. So, after thinking long and hard about it, I decided to start a podcast. Why not, I thought! If it doesn’t work out I haven’t lost out on anything. But if I don’t try, I definitely might lose out on reaching someone or changing someone’s life in some way. Even my own. So, I started my journey with my podcast Coffee, Wine, & Chocolate. It released on August 17th with the trailer and then August 24th was the first full episode. Starting off slow and steady with short episodes, and I will eventually have a little longer ones with interviews but hopefully not much longer. It seems people like the short and sweet ones! Ha!

I have gotten some really good feed back so far. I have received two reviews and a few ratings. So, if you have listened to my podcast, if you would please take a few minutes to write a quick review, it would be much appreciated and helps others find me! ūüôā

And if you haven’t had a chance to listen yet, please check it out. It is Coffee, Wine, & Chocolate. Found on every podcast player you prefer. The apple player link is in the title above. If you look it up in Google it is in Google podcasts, listen notes, buzzsprout, podchaser, and so many more!

Thank you my dear friends, readers and listeners! Have a blessed, happy positive day! And if it’s been a hard one today, think of one positive thing that has made you smile today or that you are thankful for today. And know there is at least one. For every negative there is always a positive.

I love you all!

Belle xo

Mental Health

You Do Matter

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*Pixabay

This past Tuesday, June 16, was my birthday. ¬†I used to make a big deal about birthdays and made sure my boys had a cake, gifts and we celebrated in style with a great dinner too. ¬†But as they got older, and I was not celebrated as much as I celebrated others, I started thinking it wasn’t a big deal and so made less and less of a celebration of other’s birthdays. ¬†I didn’t stop, I just didn’t make it as big a deal. ¬†I still made sure they had a cake, gift, etc., but I just didn’t go all out as I did before, especially as the boys got older, did things with their friends, and then went on to college.

I still never forget a birthday of my friends and/or family and always make sure I tell them happy birthday. ¬†I make sure my boys get birthday cards with at least a gift card or money so they can get what they want or have a dinner on me, and I try to call to talk to them on their special day. ¬†Unfortunately, even then I sometimes don’t get to talk to them nor get a callback. ¬†But, now that they are married and busy, I kind of understand. ¬†Don’t get me wrong, I am not saying I like it, but I do understand now that they have jobs, and a life separate from mine, their mom is no longer number one anymore. ¬†Sad, but true. That is how it should be though. As long as they don’t forget about me. ūüėČ

To top things off, with the dreaded COVID-19 putting stress on the world, having to be in quarantine, and being worried about things opening up and how to deal with the changes, well, that just added to it. ¬†Granted, I did get lots of messages from friends and family telling me happy birthday, I was able to have lunch with my parents and had dinner with my friends across the street from me, but it just did not feel the same as it has been before. ¬†I wasn’t at the store I manage for my parents, so no talking to people. ¬†I didn’t have the one I love beside me to enjoy time with. ¬†I was on my own for most of the day and evening. ¬†I felt off the whole day and then had an emotionally charged day the next day. ¬†Hate those days!!

I also had to remind myself that others are going through things right now too and may not be dealing well with all the changes.  They also may feel so cut off from others, they do not think of those special events or things that they normally remember because they are affected by other things happening, or not happening, in their lives.

My point is, I had a lot of thoughts and feelings in the last two days, and I want you all to know something. ¬†I want each of you reading this to know, you do matter! Make sure that you are celebrated and have a great day on YOUR special day. ¬†Even if it is you that celebrates you on your own. Make sure you take care of you and have fun! Yes, you want to make sure others know they are special and you remember them, but also make sure you are remembered too. ¬†You were put on this earth for a reason. ¬†We all were. You are worth the time and effort to be celebrated! Just know this and don’t ever think otherwise!

These are weird times we are in right now.  This too will be behind us soon and there will be better days to come.  Find something to enjoy.  Something that makes you smile.  Be silly, dance like no one is watching, laugh out loud as much as you can, love those around you, and make sure the ones you love know it.  (You really can never say it too much!)

If you ever need someone to talk to or just want to say Hi, please don’t hesitate to leave me a message. ¬†I will respond.

I love you all!

Belle xo

(*These are thoughts and things I deal with. ¬†Your situation and life, of course, is different, as we all are. Doesn’t make a difference if worse or better, we all matter.*)

Update

Here’s What’s Happening!

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I used to think I was weird because I was so sensitive to things and people around me.  I thought something was wrong with me. 

At times I would think, ‚Äúwhy can‚Äôt I say what I need to say without crying or getting emotional?‚ÄĚ Or, ‚Äúwhat in the world am I giggling for or feeling all these butterflies in my stomach just because I want to say something?‚ÄĚ Or the craziest of all, ‚Äúwhy does this person make me feel overly protective over this other person,‚ÄĚ or ‚Äúwow! this person makes me feel excited and nervous when I am around them.‚ÄĚ ¬†

I have learned that I am a somewhat highly sensitive person. But more to the point, an empath (actually an empath with highly sensitive person inclinations), if you will, and to me, that is weird yet strangely a relief to know.  

I know many do not believe in the word and what it stands for and much less what that means about the person that is supposedly this ‚Äúthing.‚ÄĚ Believe me, I have tried to deny it for a very long time because I felt it put me in a vulnerable place, even more than just feeling it all. Now I am putting myself out there as having that ability and being looked at as weird, odd, and a bit out there. ¬†

I now realize it is a gift that was given to me and if I trust it, I can learn from it and help others with it.

No, I am not some great person and I will never see myself as being special (I never have), but I do know I was given my many special creative gifts for a reason.  

I have decided it is now time to put my gifts to better use.  Yes, I am singing when I can.  Yes, I am writing a lot.  But, now I will put both my voice and writing together and I will be starting a podcast in a few weeks.  It will be centered around positivity.  Positivity, motivation, and inspiration from people and things in this world of ours.  

There is too much anger, hatred, selfishness, and childish acts of harm in this world.  It is time to get more love, positivity, and hope back into it.  Even if it is just a little at a time.  I am going to do my part, and put my little bit back into it, one week at a time with my podcast. Then along with that, continue throughout with content on my blog and all social media sites.  

I know it will not be for everyone.  But I will be here trying to shine a little bit of light on the world.  I will be here to share and to listen.  If I ever do not have an answer for a question asked, I will find someone that does and point you in that direction.  If there is a subject or a person you would like me to cover, please let me know.  I welcome suggestions.  Now, I will not always take the suggestions, but will always welcome them.  

I am but a small account right now.  One small voice in the many billions out there.  But, I will do my best and my part to help in some way with my voice and learning that I share.  For that is what, and all, I have to offer right now.  

So, in a week or two I will share the name and art of my podcast to look for and then in a couple of weeks, I will be giving you the information you will need for my podcasts, the places you can find it and the other social media sites as well.  

Right now, I am on twitter (@WonderingBelles) and Instagram (wonderingbelle or Belle Scribe) and I will put the information there as well.  

I am excited and nervous about this new adventure.  I know it is the right thing to do and share.  

I hope you will join me, enjoy the experiences, and share with others.¬† I love you all and look forward to your input and feedback once it all gets started! ūüôā

Belle xo

Me, writing, topics, sharing

Continue to Learn and Be Enlightened

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*Photo from Pixabay

I have not felt like writing very much recently. ¬†Mainly because no matter what I do, I am constantly being watched for what I write. ¬†And if by any chance I say something “wrong” (even with hardly any followers on my blog) an alarm goes out and I am shut down again.

I started this blog to be able first to share things, like a journal, and not affect anyone, and yet get thoughts out of my head, get support, and show others possibly going through the same thing that they are not alone.  Second to be able to write poems and stories, etc, and let my creative side spill out and not be held inside.  And yet, here it is being held in again because of this.

I have reached a place in my life where I am finding the real me, understanding some things I didn’t before and feeling more myself than I have in such a very long time. ¬†I have found that I am an extremely sensitive person of which I thought meant I was needy and over the top. ¬†Now I understand it just means that I have a gift for feeling things from others around me in which makes me extra empathetic. ¬†Now I understand why I could always put myself in other people’s shoes and feel what they felt and understood their side of things better than most. ¬†And why my emotions sometimes were all over the place when in certain situations. And also why I needed and enjoyed being by myself.

It also explained why I felt the need to help those around me and take on their problems when they were not mine to take on. ¬†Why I don’t like chaos and want everyone happy around me, so I tried all ways to make those around me happy, even if it meant I was not happy. ¬†But I thought I was happy because others around me were.

Understanding these things has put more confidence in me to the point I feel my fire coming back.  The light inside of me is growing strong again.  I still cringe when someone I love is not happy.  But I understand more now, that I have to be happy too and my life has to be lived separately as well as with the ones I love.  So that we are all happy in our own way.

Anyway friends, I just wanted to share these things and I am finding my voice again and my confidence in my writing and love of creativity.  Hopefully, because of this, I will have some things to share very soon.

Until then, stay well.  Keep an open mind and keep learning in life and in you.

Belle xo

Uncategorized

No Longer

For now, I no longer will be straight out sharing personal feelings and happenings here on my blog.  I used this as a journal, per se, to get me through some things going on in my life.  Because of this, I have hurt others and for this I am sorry.

My apology is from the heart.

I am done.

*Pictures fromPixabay

Thankful

Here We Are

I have a very special person in my life. ¬†He has been by my side and supported me through so much, as I have tried to do for him as well (although I think he can say he has dealt with more ūüėČ ). ¬†He has taken a place in my heart and there he stays.

Have you ever found someone you just click with.  The one that understands you more than you understand yourself?  The one that can tell you what you are thinking next before you think it?  The person that can tell something is wrong even before you realize it?  I have found that person.  I am blessed to have him in my life.

When I went to see him at the end of October, it was like I had just seen him, yet it felt like it had been forever! You know what I mean?

When he visited me last, he was going through the loss of his mother, the one person that had always been there, had looked after him and in turn, he looked after her until her passing. ¬†I cannot imagine and don’t want to imagine. ¬†I know it will come one day and I am not wanting it to. ¬†My parents mean so much to me!

But during this time, he was lost. ¬†He knew where he was, but he was numb to all around him. ¬†He was not himself and all I could do was be there for him, as he has always been there for me. ¬†As a matter of fact, just today he told me he didn’t realize how out of it he had been during that time. ¬†From what I understand that is normal and it can definitely be worse.

So, when I saw him in October, he was getting back to himself.  We went to see his personal assistant get married at a quaint farm where they were using the barns as entertainment/wedding venues.  We went and saw friends in London and went over to Rotterdam for a few days to see friends.  As I said, I am blessed.  The scenery in Rotterdam was amazing and beautiful depending on where you went.  (I am sharing a few pictures I took at the top of the page.)

He is now here visiting for a couple of weeks and is more himself than even when I went there to see him. ¬†I am so happy about that. ¬†I am trying to make sure he sees things he hasn’t yet and is enjoying himself while he is here. ¬†We have so much fun together!

Anyway, I just wanted to share a bit about him and hopefully if he reads this he will see and know how much I appreciate him and I thank him for being there and always having my back, supporting me through it all!

 

Update

And So We Move On

620560A3-109A-4AD0-B0E0-302B023BFC27With all the traveling, holidays and weddings taking up my time, I did not get over 7000 words done in the NaNoWriMo. ¬†However, that is 7000 more than I had and has me at a good start to my Fantasy novel! ūüôā

So, we move on. ¬†I am back and my plan is to be here weekly. ¬†I hope everyone had a wonderful Thanksgiving Holiday here in the US or where ever you may be! I’m looking forward to seeing what everyone is doing during this month of December, wherever you are.

I have goals and plans that I am working on for the coming year and beyond.  I know many of you do as well.

Therefore, let’s make it all happen and get excited for all the plans ahead!!

Belle xo

(*Pic I took in Rotterdam)

 

Uncategorized

Needing To Share

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At this time in my life, I am feeling a bit out in left field.  I feel that one part of my life is closed and another is beginning, with the continuation of me going through it.  Does that make sense?

For the last 30 years I have had happy times, fun times, frustrating and upset times, along with all that is in between. ¬†It has just been life. ¬†Unfortunately I felt I wasn’t enough, nor made a difference, in a person’s life and had to walk away from all I have known for those last 30 years. ¬†It truly is like grieving a loss as I have gone through this change. ¬†I know it is for the best for us both and hopefully we will come out the other side with a better understanding of each other and why it all happened the way it did.

My absolute wish is that he finds stability and strength in himself that I always tried to make him see as I saw in him.

I have found in myself a person I knew myself to be as well as a person I did not know yet.  Funny how that happens when all you have is time to know yourself.  As I have gone through counseling in the last 2 1/2 years, I have learned that I am an emotional person and that is okay.  That I am very sensitive to others, want to please others (but now make sure there are boundaries in doing so), know that the reason I like being alone at times is my mind needs peace from others and the world when it is overwhelmed, realize when someone is trying to blame me for something they are actually to blame for or share in the blame for, and that even though I do not like conflict, at times I have to face it to get through it or end it immediately.  I even realize that I do not trust my own decisions at times, because I have made some pretty bad ones in the past.  And there is so much more.

I am very blessed to have family and friends that love me and support me.  Even if they do not understand what I am going through or why I do things at times right now, they trust that I will get through it and be okay.  They are there for me if I need them as I am here for them as well.

I have some life changing decisions to make.  And even though I do not have to make them at this moment I will have to make them soon.  (Which falls back on my not trusting myself still in making the right decisions.) I am learning to trust myself, what I do and the decisions, and moves, I make in life.  I have to realize that even though I love helping others and want them to be happy, I also have to be happy in what I do and how I live.  I have learned that this is not being selfish, but being smart.  Others respect you more if you respect them by telling them what you cannot do and giving them your boundaries.  That is not only showing respect to them but also to yourself.

Now one thing I have been upset about finding in myself is that I had started to react negatively if I was blamed for something and I was the person to blame.  I would turn it back around on something or someone else.  Now that person may have been partially to blame but I was not accepting my part in it.  Until it was thrown back at me that I did it. I could have hit the ground! I was ashamed that I had not realized I had picked up a bad habit of not completely accepting my wrong doings, especially when I used to pride myself in accepting when I did something wrong.  No one likes to be wrong but to accept and admit when you are is strength in itself.

I admit, I picked up some really bad habits in the last few years before and after my separation. ¬†To protect myself and those I love, I blocked myself away from them. ¬†I cut myself off basically. ¬†I would not talk about my problems, what I was going through, nor what was going on with me. ¬†I was both ashamed of what I was going through as well as not wanting to bring anyone into my problems and weigh them down with everything. ¬†It was my cross to bear and my problems to fix or get through. ¬†Therefore, everyone I love thought I was becoming someone they didn’t know anymore just because I would not talk or share. ¬†They thought I didn’t trust nor love them anymore. ¬†Especially my boys. ¬†(For this I am so upset about and ashamed.) ¬†I didn’t want them hurting any more than what they were going through seeing their parents separating. ¬†Unfortunately, because I did this, they were getting only one side of the story. ¬†I feel I have messed up my relationship with them because of this and it hurts so much. ¬†They say they know and are not blind to things, but still, I don’t think they realize everything.

Anyway, I just had to put this all down because it has been rolling around in my head for quite a long time now.  I had to place it down somewhere, so why not here. Ha!

I am still going through things, as you see, but it is getting better every day. ¬†I pray some day I will look back on this and think, “Sheesh, you over reacted!” (*Rolling eyes) Time will tell.

Thank you, once again, my friends for bearing with me and my sharing what is in my head and heart.

Have a wonderful weekend!! <3

Belle xo

Update

Update and Suggestions

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*Pixabay

I have been a bit AWOL lately.  Was dealing with a lot so decided to take a break.  I know I still have a lot to wade through but I am getting there.

Anyway, I am working on a couple of things, like audio work and writings.  I am hoping to soon have at least some audio work done and can share.  I understand it is the way forward so am working on getting that started and very excited about it!

If you listen to Podcasts and have not yet listened to Joanna Penn of The Creative Penn, I strongly recommend giving her a listen or check out her website!

Also, I recommend Unemployable Podcast! Great advise and information you might be interested in too.

So, that is my two cents for the day and will be back really soon!

Love you all!

Belle xo

Update

I Am Back

Well, I was away for a bit to enjoy my birthday week and get through some hard stuff this week.  I knew this week would be hard so for my birthday week I went to the mountains and did a couple of trails to some beautiful, calming, peaceful waterfalls.  (Pictures above)

Then this week was my final hearing for my divorce.  I was an emotional wreck prior to the hearing.  I expected an emotional time during it, but it was quick (after waiting an hour from our start time to be called) and smooth with no emotional breakdown.  Although with the long exhausting drive and my emotions totally drained, I broke down once home.  To be expected I suppose.  That is one of the hardest things I have ever had to do.

No matter what we went through, the love is there and I will never ever forget the wonderful memories.

So, we will get through this and move on.

I thank everyone here, friends and readers, for your support and understanding.  I plan to continue on with this wonderful blog I love and hope to share so much more in the coming days, months and years!

Belle xo