Purpose In Life – Thoughts & Ramblings


Do you ever wonder what your purpose in life is? Why you were brought in to this life and put on this earth as you are? I ask myself these question every now and then.

I am a daughter, mother, friend.  I’ve been a lover, partner, wife.  I love art in many different areas…writing (of course), music, paintings, sculptures and any art made with hands.

I feel I have been put on this earth and in this life time to touch many people with my love, my music and my presence.  I don’t know how many people I will touch in my lifetime, but I hope it is many and I hope I help in some way be it even just a very small amount.  I have felt it hard to see why I am here recently because I have been through so much, but I know there is a reason no matter what.

We are all put through things in life to learn and to grow.  I am hoping it is in the right direction and that by me doing so, I have others beside me along the way.

I know I have learned so much about life, others and myself in the past few years its amazing!  To live with someone who has PTSD and not know it until after 30 years together.  Seeing them distance themselves more and more from you, thinking it is my fault they are this way toward me, as if I have done something wrong, finally giving up trying to fix it and separating for him to find out and be diagnosed.  Then to realize that not only has he been affected but that I have because of it and have to seek out help for myself as well.  Finding that it has torn us apart along with pre-existing factors as well to the point I find I cannot go back to it.  Realizing I was “acting out” in my own strange way before our separation because I was lost and trying to understand what was wrong and what was lost.

I truly am sad because, even knowing it is because of both of us that we have gotten to this point, I never wanted this and feel sometimes ashamed and upset that it has ended up this way.  No one ever wants to have to take back their vows when they feel so strongly about them.  Unfortunately things happen where you have to, to have peace of mind, strength to move on and a happier life.

I have learned through all this that I am a very sensitive person.  I feel other people’s emotions and put myself in others’ shoes, to the point I get lost in them thinking it is me.  I have learned I have to separate myself from these feelings and emotions, to realize they are not mine but to understand them and hopefully let the person going through them know that I am there if help needed but realizing it is not my responsibility to take on.  In other words, I have to let a person take responsibility for their own emotions, feelings and reactions.  I have my own to be responsible for. And if I am told I am responsible for the way someone feels or reacts I have to make sure my boundaries are known and that I am not responsible for their feelings nor reactions.  I will understand and empathize but I will not take on that responsibility.

I am still learning this so I will slip back at times and take on what is not mine. I then have to realize this, step back and draw that boundary once more.

My therapist says it is a gift to be so sensitive and empathetic to others.  It is just learning how to hone into it and use it properly.  And I am slowly getting there.

So I guess with all this, I am just trying to say, be good to yourself.  Learn your goods and bads, your pluses and minuses, your ups and downs and work with it.  We all have them and we all can learn from them and use them.  To help both ourselves and others.  I hope I am making sense with all this.  Maybe it is just my way of thinking and understanding.  I don’t know.   Just something that was heavy on my mind today and wanted to share.


Have a wonderful rest of your day!

Belle xo

Fun, Questions, sharing

Just Creepy Questions Fun


From the Blokey Guy… if you want to play, visit his link, but the basic rule is C&P and do not delete any of the questions marked with a P… or else!

Daily Topic Subject – Just Creepy

Q1] Favourite all time creepy monster or villian?

Hmmm…I would have to say Dracula

Q2] Pumpkin Pie or what is your favourite pie at Halloween?

Did not realize there was a pie option to the candy for Halloween. It would definitely be pumpkin with whip cream on top! Yum!!

Q3] What is something you most assuredly wouldn’t want to bump into in a darkened alleyway?

Jason of Halloween!!!!

Q4] Have you ever dabbled with the dark side .. l don’t mean Bloody Mary either l mean Ouija?

No not really, but if surrounded by my crazy friends I would definitely do it.

PQ5] What’s your most favourite Halloween movie that you just have to watch over, and over and over again every Halloween? [Link Please]

Hocus Pocus is my all time favorite Halloween movie and I watch it over and over!!

Q6] Are you superstitious? [How so?]

Certain things, like spilling salt is bad luck, walking under a ladder, knock on wood so something bad you are talking about won’t happen to you, etc…

PQ7] If you found yourself trapped in a horror movie which one would it be?

Halloween was the first scary movie I ever saw as a teen and is scared the bajeezes out of me! So my luck, it would be that one!

Q8] On the subject whilst we are here, have you ever played Bloody Mary?

Oh yes, in middle school with my sister and our friends

Q9] Oh golly jeepers, you have awoken in the night to hear footsteps in the house .. who you gonna call?

Ghost Busters!! Oh, wait…for real? Then, the cops!!  Eeeek!

Q10] So it’s dark and creepy, and you have just been dared to visit the local Cemetary would you do it?

Yes, but not alone!

Q11] After watching a scary flick, can you just go to bed, or do you have to do something cheery first?

I cannot go straight to bed. I have to do something that takes my mind off of it first and then go to bed.

PQ12] It’s Halloween, you are music master at the party, what are your first five songs going to be played to kick start the night?

Monster Mash, Thriller, Werewolves of London, Witchy Woman, and Somebody’s watching me are a good start!

Q13]  Favourite all time scary creepy spooky book?


Q14] You have been invited to the ultimate Monster Mash party and it’s fancy costume – who are you going as?

Mortisha Adams 😉

PQ15] Are you doing anything for Halloween this year? If so what?

Nothing exciting is planned

Q16] You are a juinor witch going onto ‘sleepaway camp’, you have to take a familiar with you and your choices are:

Black Cat






What are you going to pick and why?

Black Cat is my familiar. Just love cats!

Q17] You have been chosen to make the tea cakes for the party and they have to look spooky what are you going to make?

Little ghostly cheesecake bites! Yummy!

Q18] How old were you when you saw your first horror movie – what was it – provide link?

I was 15 and it was the first Halloween movie made. I thought I was so cool but scared me to death! I could not sleep that night!

Q19] Are you easily scared?

Not really

PQ20] Are you deleting any questions, if so which ones?

None deleted. That was fun!!

Q21] It’s Halloween, you have three choices which do you pick? Party, TricknTreating or staying at home curtain closed watching spooky stuff?

Party!!! 😉



Self Love and Knowledge


In talking to my ex, I realized something. Not while we were talking but after the fact…

He said he doesn’t know the person I have become.  He thinks I am lost.

But he hasn’t taken the time to know the person I have become.  This more confident in myself, loving myself person I have become, has just added to the loving, big hearted person I always was.  I have just learned to deal with things better and face things I had started backing down from or away from in the last few years.  I am not lost.  I have found the me I am supposed to be. I know me better now than I ever have before.

I have my faults and I have my mistakes I have to deal with, but I am not lost.  The people that know me and love me see the me I am and they still love me, so I must be doing something right.  If not, I would hope they would let me know.

People tell me how strong I have been through everything, but I think I am stronger now than I have ever been (even though at times I don’t feel like it).  All I know is God and the universe have a plan for me and I am hopefully following the path I am supposed to follow to live out that plan.  And I know it will change every now and then when its meant to, but I will hopefully learn from all I go through and will touch people in a positive way on my journey.

For now, I am loving me and those around me I love.  That is getting me through.  And I look forward to each day and what it brings.

Hope you are all having a beautiful day!

Belle xo

*Quote from Elite Daily Quote


Capacity to be Alone – Love

I believe this completely.  If you love someone enough to know they make you happy, but you also love yourself enough to be happy without them (even though you would rather not be), you have the capacity to be happy even if alone.

In other words, if you have the capacity to be alone and love yourself enough to be happy alone, then you have the capacity to love another as you love yourself. (This is the way I understand this.)

It’s beautiful. <3

What do you think?

Belle xo

*Both from Pinterest


Getting information


Okay, so I am making sure to check and double check that I get the information and history correct on my tour of Notting Hill and Portobello Road before publishing it.  Working on that now.  I want to make sure I have it all right.  I just like things to be correct.

Yes, I like to put a personal note on all my writings but like to have the information correct. 🙂

Its hard sometimes to do this properly when the information you find is not correct (which is what happened last time I wrote my piece on London), so I make sure I get it from the person that told me the history and knows best.  Yet, when I don’t have the historian to get the information from I do the best I can with what I know.

I have enjoyed doing this recently because I learn so much.  And you might call me crazy, but I love learning, both new and old things.  Learning keeps us grounded and interested in our surroundings and in the world.  And there are so many ways to get the information we need.

Internet, Google, history books, historians, articles…just so many options and places to find any information you might need.

Where do you go for your information?

Happy learning 😉

Belle xo


And The Drama Continues


Well due to an unforeseen happening yesterday, I was not able to write anything so will do so today.

It amazes me how people will meddle in your life that have no business doing so.

Its amazing the people that hide behind threatening words anonymously because they are too afraid to face the person and the consequences of their actions. It shows they can’t face their own fears so they try to find and play on the fears of others to replace their own lack of strength.

I feel sorry for those people and know that God and Karma (yes I believe in both) will always be there to rectify any wrongs done to others in one way or another.

And now onward we go!

Belle xo

*Pic found on Pinterest – One of my favorite sayings


You’ve got to love yourself — Cristian Mihai – Wonderful Reminder!!

“Your opinion of yourself becomes your reality. If you have all these doubts, then no one will believe in you, and everything will go wrong. If you think the opposite, the opposite will happen. It’s that simple. The higher your self-belief, the more your power to transform reality. Having supreme confidence makes you fearless and […]

via You’ve got to love yourself — Cristian Mihai


Crazy Messed Up Life


As I was saying in my last post, one of the things on the list to write about and get out of my system is my crazy messed up life.  To some it isn’t that crazy and messed up.  But to me, I feel it really is.

I have gone through a lot in the last few years.  I have gone through changes, understandings/misunderstandings, depression, anxiety, counseling, separation, getting to know myself all over again, realizing I am not always to blame and that I can’t fix things if its not my responsibility to do so, feeling shame and guilt for things of which I usually have no control over being wrong, and just soooo many things I am not going to continue listing them.

I love those around me and have said yes so many times to make things right and make people happy that I lost myself in the process.  I tried to keep conflict at bay for so long that no one is used to me saying no or saying what I feel.  Now that I am, I believe I am either freaking people out and they are thinking I have a problem, or they are worried that I am going to change so much I will be out of their lives (of which I have no plans to do so and could never see myself out of the lives of those I love).

I am a big part of my problems. I cannot take all the blame, but I definitely do not deny my part in my problems.  I am not one to blame others for my short comings or problems.  If it is my fault, or at least partly my fault, I admit it full heartedly.  I am definitely no saint, far from it, so would never say I am not wrong…ever.  Some fuss at me for taking on full blame for things and I am learning not to, but it is something I am learning.

Anyway, those are some of the thoughts for now on my messed up crazy life.  I hope you all reading this, realize it is just me spitting out thoughts from my head.  I thank you for giving me this time to do so and for those reading, thank you for doing that and maybe you might have some input on similar things?

Have a wonderful night and I will write about more upbeat things tomorrow.

Belle xo

*Picture from Pinterest


Blank To Full List


So, I am a bit blank in thinking at the moment on what to write.  I have been away for a couple of weeks on a trip back to London and just returned home yesterday.  I haven’t written in a while so trying to get back into it is taking me a bit.

There are many things I could write about…, my trip to London, my crazy messed up life, my wonderful boys, my crazy anxious, over-thinking mind…, just soooo many things.  I just need to start with one and go through my list and cover each one.

I was just reading one of the other blog posts about writing (by Cristian Mihai) and just doing it.  So, I just need to do this!

Belle xo