Uncategorized

I Am What I Am

I saw someone on twitter share that this song is a great one to play and sing along to. I found it and absolutely agree. So, I am sharing the video and the lyrics for you to enjoy too!

youtu.be/BjcquP0sKjs

I am what I am
I am my own special creation
So come take a look
Give me the hook or the ovation

It’s my world that I want to have a little pride in
My world and it’s not a place I have to hide in
Life’s not worth a damn till you can say
Hey world I am what I am
I am what I am
I don’t want praise
I don’t want pity
I bang my own drum
Some think it’s noise
I think it’s pretty
And so what if I love each feather and each spangle
Why not try and see things from a different angle
Your life is a sham till you can say
Hey world I am what I am
I am what I am
And what I am needs no excuses
I deal my own deck
Sometimes the ace
Sometimes the deuces
It’s my life and there’s no return and no deposit
One life, so it’s time to open up your closet
Life’s not worth a damn till you can say
Hey world I am what I am
Short story, Uncategorized

Time and Space

*Pixabay

Breathing in, the smell of books, varnish and leather, she thrills at the prospect of what story to get lost in today.

Angie loves the library.  She has always felt in another world when there.  Looking up from where she is in the midst of a vast space of books on shelves, reaching up to the sky.  Like this world of books could go on and on without stopping into another world and dimension.  She could stay here forever.  Happy in knowing she will always be somewhere new each day.

She finds a book that she knows will take her away from this world into another for a while.  Going to a comfortable seat on a soft couch, she opens up the beautiful leather bound book to a bright new world and adventure.  She looks around her, no one is there and it is nice and quiet.  Looking back to the book fondly, she gives an excited smile.  Falling into the story, she loses herself once again.

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I love finding pictures that pull a story out of my head.  Something to start with and the possibilities of there being a future story are so open!

Belle xo

Uncategorized

Needing To Share

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*Pixabay

At this time in my life, I am feeling a bit out in left field.  I feel that one part of my life is closed and another is beginning, with the continuation of me going through it.  Does that make sense?

For the last 30 years I have had happy times, fun times, frustrating and upset times, along with all that is in between.  It has just been life.  Unfortunately I felt I wasn’t enough, nor made a difference, in a person’s life and had to walk away from all I have known for those last 30 years.  It truly is like grieving a loss as I have gone through this change.  I know it is for the best for us both and hopefully we will come out the other side with a better understanding of each other and why it all happened the way it did.

My absolute wish is that he finds stability and strength in himself that I always tried to make him see as I saw in him.

I have found in myself a person I knew myself to be as well as a person I did not know yet.  Funny how that happens when all you have is time to know yourself.  As I have gone through counseling in the last 2 1/2 years, I have learned that I am an emotional person and that is okay.  That I am very sensitive to others, want to please others (but now make sure there are boundaries in doing so), know that the reason I like being alone at times is my mind needs peace from others and the world when it is overwhelmed, realize when someone is trying to blame me for something they are actually to blame for or share in the blame for, and that even though I do not like conflict, at times I have to face it to get through it or end it immediately.  I even realize that I do not trust my own decisions at times, because I have made some pretty bad ones in the past.  And there is so much more.

I am very blessed to have family and friends that love me and support me.  Even if they do not understand what I am going through or why I do things at times right now, they trust that I will get through it and be okay.  They are there for me if I need them as I am here for them as well.

I have some life changing decisions to make.  And even though I do not have to make them at this moment I will have to make them soon.  (Which falls back on my not trusting myself still in making the right decisions.) I am learning to trust myself, what I do and the decisions, and moves, I make in life.  I have to realize that even though I love helping others and want them to be happy, I also have to be happy in what I do and how I live.  I have learned that this is not being selfish, but being smart.  Others respect you more if you respect them by telling them what you cannot do and giving them your boundaries.  That is not only showing respect to them but also to yourself.

Now one thing I have been upset about finding in myself is that I had started to react negatively if I was blamed for something and I was the person to blame.  I would turn it back around on something or someone else.  Now that person may have been partially to blame but I was not accepting my part in it.  Until it was thrown back at me that I did it. I could have hit the ground! I was ashamed that I had not realized I had picked up a bad habit of not completely accepting my wrong doings, especially when I used to pride myself in accepting when I did something wrong.  No one likes to be wrong but to accept and admit when you are is strength in itself.

I admit, I picked up some really bad habits in the last few years before and after my separation.  To protect myself and those I love, I blocked myself away from them.  I cut myself off basically.  I would not talk about my problems, what I was going through, nor what was going on with me.  I was both ashamed of what I was going through as well as not wanting to bring anyone into my problems and weigh them down with everything.  It was my cross to bear and my problems to fix or get through.  Therefore, everyone I love thought I was becoming someone they didn’t know anymore just because I would not talk or share.  They thought I didn’t trust nor love them anymore.  Especially my boys.  (For this I am so upset about and ashamed.)  I didn’t want them hurting any more than what they were going through seeing their parents separating.  Unfortunately, because I did this, they were getting only one side of the story.  I feel I have messed up my relationship with them because of this and it hurts so much.  They say they know and are not blind to things, but still, I don’t think they realize everything.

Anyway, I just had to put this all down because it has been rolling around in my head for quite a long time now.  I had to place it down somewhere, so why not here. Ha!

I am still going through things, as you see, but it is getting better every day.  I pray some day I will look back on this and think, “Sheesh, you over reacted!” (*Rolling eyes) Time will tell.

Thank you, once again, my friends for bearing with me and my sharing what is in my head and heart.

Have a wonderful weekend!! <3

Belle xo

Daily prompt, DWP, Uncategorized

Daily Word Prompt – Noise

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Pixabay pic

What do you do when the noise of the world invades your mind and your thoughts?

You either let it in, or you chase it away.

If you let it in, the noise might overtake you and carry you to a place you don’t want to be.  To a place that brings you to a low place or thought.  Draining your energy.

It might even take you to a place that you need to be and out of your mind and thoughts that are bringing you down.

Or, if you chase it away, does it let you keep some great memories and thoughts for a bit longer? Basking in the happy times that put a smile on your face and a glow in your heart.

Maybe if you chase it away though you stay in negative thoughts and images that need to be put away and left there.

Either way, I believe we each go through times where we need to determine whether the noise is beneficial or harmful and react in the appropriate way.  Noises can be good, but they can also be bad.  Using them in the way we need them is the best way possible.

Do you agree?

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I know, a bit philosophical I guess.  Ha!

Belle xo

july-banner-2019

pictureprompt, Uncategorized

Use Wisely

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*Pixabay

As she walks slowly through the woods behind her home, she is lost in her thoughts.  Thoughts of frustration, feeling lost, wanting to help heal, wanting to move things, maybe by air.

Leaves float by her and around her.  She thinks, “it’s awfully early for the leaves to be falling.”  

Unfocused on her surroundings yet focused on her thoughts, she doesn’t realize that the more she gets lost in her thoughts, the more the wind is picking up and leaves are swirling around her.  They brush her face, along her cheeks and softly touching her lips.  She stops and looks around her.  She finds herself in the midst of a small tornado of leaves and flowers.  Her hands are lifted up on each side of her and she is tingling with sensation.  “What is going on?!”

Watching as the leaves swirl about, she breathes in deeply and exhales evenly.  Everything slows down slowly and as she brings her breathing to a steady rhythm, it all settles around her.  “What just happened?”  She asks out loud.

“Power is a great thing. Now you know you have it, use it wisely,” A voice from no where is heard suddenly and disappears just as quickly.

She stands there stunned and unable to comprehend what just happened.

“Maddie where are you?” she hears her sister call.

“I’m here!” and she moves to meet her.


A story that has formed in my mind just from a picture.

Belle xo

Take2Tuesday, Uncategorized

Take Two Tuesday

Like last week, I am sharing two quotes/memes and two videos.

Today it is about Confidence!

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IMG_7497

This one by Demi is one of my faves! Just watching it gets you feeling upbeat. 😉

Raye’s video and song is the first time I have seen and heard it. I found it when surfing YouTube to find Confidence videos. Love it!

I hope you enjoy and get something from these.  If you have any you like, please share.  I always love new songs and quotes/memes to go by.  <3

Belle xo

Uncategorized

Using Anxiety to Create

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*Photo from Pexels

Such a great article on Creativity and Anxiety.  About learning to use your anxiety for your creativity.  Something that I feel is definitely beneficial for me and thought others might feel the same.

It’s called :

Keys to Creativity: Using anxiety to create.

“Anxiety can be a double edged sword: it can either help you move forward or keep you stuck and paralyzed. Creativity and anxiety share a commonality: possibility. When we create we push the boundaries of the norm, of what’s acceptable, we experiment with ideas and dismantle the boxes imposed by family and society in order to reach the realm of possibility. Similarly, anxiety is the reaction some of us experience in the face of potentiality and possibility. We become anxious when we know little or nothing about something, as a way to defend ourselves in the face of the big unknown. Creativity is brought forth by embracing the unknown. This is the crucial point when you are presented with the opportunity to choose: remain “protected” by your anxiety and stay stuck, plunge into the unknown, or use anxiety as transportation to your creative place.”
Follow the link above to read more!
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What do you think??
Belle xo
Uncategorized

This World And My Belief

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I know there are a lot out there that do not agree with me.  This world has so much to learn.  I feel so sorry for how close minded so many on this earth are.  I also feel sorry for those that think they do no wrong or no harm.  Those are the ones that judge.  They are the ones that turn their noses up at those that are different.  God gave us a reason for being on this earth.  He brought us into this world to make a difference in one way or another.  And, I believe, he is the only one that has the ultimate judgment on us all.  

Yes, there are people who do not believe in God.  There are also those that believe in other beings that put us here for a reason.  There are those that do not believe in any beings or Gods.  I believe there is a God.  I believe there are other spiritual beings and so much more in this world than we have any idea of being here.  Until that is proven otherwise I will continue to believe this.  

I cannot prove any of this, but I know I was brought up to believe in a God above all Gods.  

Now, just because I believe this, and know he is guiding me and watching out for me, does not mean I am greater than anyone else.  I am a sinner, as we all are.  I will never ever say I am better than anyone.  All people have been placed on this earth and in our lives for a reason.  Be it a lesson to learn, I life to change, a love to share…there are so many reasons.  

I have many creative gifts I have been given, and am trying to use each that was given to me in the best way.  I do not take for granted all that has been given to me.  I want so much to share them and make use of all of them in a way that makes a difference.  I am still learning what this is and as I learn I just hope I touch others in the right way.  I know I have been touched by so many.  

I was so innocent growing up.  I know my parents were protecting me from being hurt and knowing too much.  They wanted me to grow up the right way with no bad information to taint my ideas and the way I was.  Bless them.

I do wish I had been wiser where the way of the world and sex is concerned.  I believe there is a lot of information out there to learn and that teenagers should be aware of a lot of things that can either get them in trouble (like sharing private pics on the phone when underage) and things they should understand and be privy to so that they have a better way to protect themselves because they are in the know.  

I know we all have to grow up and learn things for ourselves.  I hope that we brought our sons up in a more open-minded home.  I still feel we did not make information available that they needed to make the right decisions.  But we did the best we could with what we felt was available without making their decisions for them.  I believe they have grown to be such fine wonderful men and am so proud of them.  I pray that they will always love their father and me, no matter what we go through and how we might change and do things.  

I am learning every day about things and am trying to find ways of expressing myself and helping others at the same time.  Maybe one day soon I will realize what that certain thing is.  Until then, I will continue to love those around me, help those I can help, listen to those that need an ear and a hand to hold and continue learning and growing every single day.

Belle xo