Tag: life

Mental Health, writing

Learning More Every Day

wbelle

Sitting outside in our back garden and enjoying the peace, I decided to do a video and share it on TikTok. It was so peaceful and relaxing I just had to share. Once I was done I watched it and did another video about my thoughts. When looking at the first video I just saw how I am getting old, or aging gracefully, as some will put it. As I said in the second video, you see all the changes you’re going through. And thinking about everything I am learning about myself, it’s amazing how you never stop learning. It doesn’t matter your age and what you are going through or have been through.

I wish I had known more before now of the things I know, but I know it now and can work with it. I am learning why I do the things I do and how to work with these particular things and the knowledge I now have. I have put in a request for testing but I am on a waiting list. The thing about realizing you are “different” is learning how to work with it and use it to the best of your abilities. Don’t let it be a negative, make it a positive in your life. Help yourself and others, if at all possible.

I have self-diagnosed myself as a neurodivergent, with ADHD and dyslexia tendencies. But to verify this self-diagnoses I need to have testing done and to learn how to use and work with it to make my life better. I believe the symptoms have always been a part of me and are now magnified somewhat because of my menopause (or maybe even added to).

None the less, I realize why I was the way I was: growing up, in school, with friends (or not with friends), with my ex and with other relationships with family (including my boys), in work, it is actually baffling and like a light bulb has been switched on. I apologize to anyone that misunderstood me or that I hurt because of not knowing myself. (I know it isn’t my fault not knowing or understanding, but I still feel bad about it.) It is actually no one’s fault, it is just what and how it is.

And yes, I know it is as if everyone has come out with these “problems.” The thing is there is so much more information on ADHD, Neurodivergence, Dyslexia, etc… Knowing helps us to understand and work with these things. Just like everything, it will mesh back into everyday life findings and we will continue to function better because of the knowledge we learn from it.

Enjoy in the learning and understanding of things and people around you and have an amazing day and weekend!

xoxo

sharing

Share Time

wbelle

When things are bothering me, the best way for me to deal is to write about it. I chose this life I live and I love where I am. The only regret I have is the distance I am from my family. I can’t just call and know I will be able to talk to my boys. They are busy with their own lives and families. I can’t just drive for a few hours to see my boys and their families, my parents, nor my sister. At times I feel cut off from the ones I love.

Also, when I start overthinking things, which I have a tendency to do (especially when I have no response when texting/messaging), I think I have done something to upset them or they just don’t care. That is me and I know it. It still doesn’t help my brain with that fact. My love is so strong for those I love I let it overwhelm me at times. So much that it hurts. I feel so weird with this fact, but it is who I am.

I have felt recently that I need something substantial to focus my time and effort into. I am not working and don’t need to do so at this time. However, I feel like I am not doing my part in our relationship when I don’t do anything to add to it work wise. I have always worked since I was fifteen years old. I have always earned my way in life and it just doesn’t feel right to me at this time to not be doing so.

I will be honest, I feel I get on these emotional rollercoasters when things happen with my family that I can’t be a part of, even though it was my choice to not be there so I can go for something else for them. I have to be the adult about things and it makes me feel weak and disliked for it. This is my flaw and my problem, and I don’t like the way it makes me feel. I also feel alone in this feeling. These feelings are the bad ones: I’m not good enough, I could do better, I don’t love enough, I’m a bad mom/daughter/sister/partner, etc….

As you can tell, this is really getting to me when it is enough to write about it.

I feel I need to accomplish something. To make a mark in this world. (I know I’m not the only one) But how? I’m good with singing. I’m pretty good with writing. I love animals. I love people. I am pretty good with art and being creative. I just don’t know how to use these things to make a difference somehow.

So, that is my sharing for now. I hope you have a great day, dear reader, and know if you are feeling the same, you see you are not alone.

Belle xoxo

Me, writing, topics, sharing

Hello Again!

wbelle
close up photo of hello sunshine book
Photo by Jessica Lewis Creative on Pexels.com

Having Covid for the first known time, I am so ready for it to be gone. I know it is not as bad as some have dealt with. By no means even close. It is all sinus yuck and continues to hang on. It has been nine days and the test still shows positive. Some would say that is normal, but I am not a patient person when I am sick, and like to get out there with people. Not a lot of people, definitely not a crowd, but my people. The community that is now mine. The friends and acquaintances that have made me feel a part of this place I now find myself in. But for now, I have to use a mask to protect them from the sickness that is staying in me and my partner. It makes me feel like I need to stay away and protect them from what I have and I don’t like feeling that way. I did that five, no six, years ago for a different reason and I don’t like myself for it. So feeling the same, it makes me dislike it even more.

But, here we (me and my partner) are with this dang Covid mess and trying to get better daily so that we can get back out there without feeling this way.

So, as we work to get better, we do what we can with our social media, podcasts, responding to emails, etc… Unfortunately, my creative studio is put on hold as well. The HVAC guys were supposed to come today to start with the installation of my unit and then tomorrow the electrician. So, until we show a negative test we will need to put off the guys coming in for a few days.

In the mean time I have been taking the time to read, along with other things needing to be done. I think I have read more this year already than I have in a very long time. 🙂 And this I do not mind at all!

I have read three books by Emmy R Bennett: Eye of the Raven, Eyes of Wynter and Different Shade of Wynter; Fair and Fury: The Fate King’s Mortal, Book 1 by Devon Atwood; Wonder Drug by Jennifer Vanderbes; Carolina Moon by Nora Roberts; and right now Playing To Lose by Ariel Anderssen. All great books! Not to mention the books we are reading together when we are in the car or traveling.

We continue to keep ourselves busy and occupied while getting through the Covid. I hope you all are staying well and healthy. And remember:

You are always loved, needed, wanted and you make a difference in people’s lives.

Belle xoxo

sharing, writing

Thoughts for the Day

wbelle
(A young woman takes a break to do something analog like writing in her journal and drinking tea. This is a healthy practice for those who experience anxiety.)

As I am preparing to record my next podcast I started thinking about life and all I have done in this year so far. More than half has gone and it is August in just a few days. The last podcast I did was in March, that’s how busy we have been. My partner and I always stay busy. If we aren’t traveling, we are doing things around here because there is so much to see and do. Things I have never seen nor done and some that even he has not done, so it benefits us both.

I miss my family since they are all in the United States and I am here in the UK, therefore I try to go three to four times a year to see them and spend time with them. Especially since I have two grand daughters and soon to have a grand son! I usually stay with my parents, which is very special to me. I know how important it is to be close to my parents and make memories with them. The same in seeing my boys and their families. Memories and time with them is so important and precious to me. Much more important than I ever realized. So much I took for granted before.

Also, I realize there are things I still need to learn to do, even at my age of 50+. If I ever am on my own again, I will need to take care of things I have trusted others to do, or did not realize at all were needing to be done. There are also things I used to put off for one reason or another and now that I am understanding why, I just need to learn how to deal with this quirk I have and work with it. It is who I am and the more I can learn to work with it the better off I am in myself.

*Do you have any quirky things you have learned about yourself recently? What are these things? It’s good to know others are in the same area and not alone.*

These are just a few things I just wanted to jot down and get out of my head. The constant swimming around in your head and not letting them out just causes you to overthink and be anxious. I know I am not alone in this so thought I would share.

Have a great day/week/weekend!

Belle xoxo

Blog, writing

The Holiday Treat

wbelle
family get together during christmas
Photo by Nicole Michalou on Pexels.com

While in the States

I flew to the states to see my family and friends before Christmas. I would be there for two weeks (13 days). Planned on seeing my sons and their girls the Sunday of the full weekend I would be there, to celebrate Christmas with them. Unfortunately I received a call from my oldest to tell me he had Covid so would need to reschedule our get together. So we decided I would get with my youngest son and his girls and then later in the week hopefully see my oldest and his girls.

So during my first week I saw many friends and on Saturday my parents and I met my sister and brother in law for dinner. Then we drove together to see Christmas lights called Lights of Hope. We had a good time together and it was so great seeing them.

Sunday I drove a little over two hours to see my youngest, my daughter in law and my grand daughter. We had such a great time together. He cooked pancakes for brunch, they opened gifts, we went shopping at a market in town, and then we had chicken Alfredo which my son cooked as well. A wonderful time spent together, but of course too quick and too short.

Saw more friends during the week and then my parents and I went to the botanical gardens in Athens where right at the end when we were in the shops before leaving, we came across the best surprise of all. My wonderful friend from high school and her husband (also a friend from school) and their grand daughter. I was so happy to see them, especially her, when I am guessing it has been about twenty eight years since we have seen each other. 🙂 That was such an unexpected treat!

Then after talking to my oldest son, we decided to be smart and responsible and not meet up since he was just getting over Covid, my daughter in law now had it and the little one might possibly have it. (Received a text this morning that she is positive) So, he called by FaceTime and we talked, I got to see my grand daughter, he took me on a tour of the new house and I saw my daughter in law. I then sent their presents the next morning to make sure they got them before Christmas. I was told they would be there the next day! Amazing!

Today, my last full day here in the states, I will be spending with my parents. We are going to see my cousins and Aunt and Uncle for a late lunch. It is a little over two hours one way so not too bad but will take up the rest of the afternoon. Can’t wait to see everyone.

Then I get a flight out tomorrow evening back to London and will arrive Sunday morning.

Now back in London

My flight back was good and uneventful, thank goodness. I was even able to get a few hours sleep, which I normally don’t do on flights. Jetlag was not bad this time, thank goodness. Being the week before Christmas, we had a lot to do. Our physiotherapist ended up with the flu, our girl that does our hair had an accident which totaled her car, so that wasn’t good news. However, it did free us up to do other things that needed doing. We met with friends on Friday before Christmas for a few hours, went to Winter Wonderland in London on Christmas Eve, which both were a lot of fun! So, all in all it was a good week leading up to Christmas Day.

On Christmas Day my step daughter came and spent the afternoon with us as well as our neighbor across the street, we had dinner and exchanged gifts and just enjoyed each other’s company. I also had FaceTime calls from my boys and my parents/sister.

On Boxing Day, we were not able to spend the day with my other step daughter and her family because they were dealing with the flu. So, we decided to go to downtown London and enjoy the lights. The lights in London are always so beautiful and magical. Even with all the craziness of loads of people being there, we really had a good time and took lots of pictures. 🙂

We are now looking forward to Wednesday night at Southbank Centre to see Dolly Parton Christmas Carol, New Year’s Eve with my step daughter and her family to see the lights and then on my husband’s birthday we are going to see ABBA! We are really enjoying this time of the year, even though at times one of us, if not both, have been a bit anxious for one reason or another.

Happy Holidays

With all this said, I hope you all had a wonderful Christmas holiday with lots of treats as well. I wish you all a very happy holiday and a brilliant new year!!

Belle xoxo

thoughts

Past, Present, Future

wbelle
Pixabay

Here I sit in my thoughts

Here I sit while my partner is in a meeting. I have been working on our joint podcast, my podcast, our website and many other things. As I was sitting here thinking about a subject for my next podcast this popped into my head:

The Past is important to remember, The Present is important to live in and The Future is important to look forward to.

We learn so much from the past. What we learn, we take forward to the now and future. Both the good and the bad.

As we live in the present, we continue to take in our daily learning and change constantly. We take what we learn into the future.

The future being the next hour, the next day, the next month, the next year and so on.

It’s so important to live in the moment. Not to take anything or anyone for granted. What happens happens for a reason. The people in our life are also there for a reason. Take in the moment and realize that it may not be this way forever. That will help you through what is hard and/or make you look forward to more (or similar/better) of what is good.

No, I am not always positive, but I do look for the positive in everything and everyone around me. It helps.

All love my friends

Belle xo

Blog, thoughts

Family & Friends are So Important!

wbelle
From Pixabay

Friends, Family & Me

I recently did a couple of episodes on Coffee, Wine & Chocolate podcast regarding the importance of friends, and then on family. In the last, I would say, six to seven years I have learned more about myself and those around me. I have accepted my flaws and my negatives because the other parts of me outweigh them and it is just a part of me. Everyone has good and bad sides to them. There is no way to be perfect, so we have to love ourselves for who we are and always work on being better and do better every day.

I have realized in my learning that friends and family are so important. Much more than I ever thought. I am ashamed to say it, but, I was so bad about keeping up with friends and family after I was married and started a family of my own. When going through my separation and divorce, it really hit me. I found out that I didn’t help myself by being available for some and doing things for them that were not appreciated and much worse, were just expected. I did not know about boundaries, how important they are, and that they help relationships be stronger and help with communication, respect and understanding.

So, I am building better relationships now with those I love. I am honest to a fault, at times to the point of probably saying more than I should, but that is who I am. Sometimes I am so honest that I over say or think things which just gets me into trouble by sounding like I don’t know what I am saying. Do you know what I mean? I then get frustrated at myself and my silly emotions take over. Because, once again, that is who I am.

Friends

I have quality friends that I appreciate and try to keep in touch with as much as possible. Some not as often as others, but it is like we just get it. The friends I have made over the years I have mostly lost touch with. We keep up with each other through social media and that is about it. The friends I made in the last five to seven years are very special to me. Mainly because they were with me through my hardest times and my changing in so many ways. They were my support and ones I could go to when I needed a break from my crazy life (as I saw it). I am blessed to have the friends I have.

Family

Then, let’s talk about family. Family is so important to me. While going through my separation and divorce I was with my parents a lot. We went through a lot together during this time. I was finding myself again, trying to understand all I was going through and not making it easy on my parents that were trying to help me through things. There were also my boys. I am sure I have said this before, but, I put up this wall between me and my boys because I was protecting myself and them from more hurt. But I found out later it was just causing more hurt. I did it so that I would not pull them into what their dad and I were going through. I was not going to put him in a bad light with them and I was not going to pretend everything was okay.

I realized too late that it was not the right thing to do. But now we are working on our communication and staying in touch. Not as much as I would like, but they are busy with their own families and lives.

So, my overall point and all I want to share is, to not put family and friends aside. Make sure you stay in touch regularly. Friends can help us daily, just as family. And family members are so important to stay close to. Yes, there are some that you don’t need to stay in touch with for your own sanity, but the rest are so important!

Love you all and stay blessed!

Belle xo

Blog

Hello!

wbelle
Pixabay

I have not been here for quite a while. Months! So much has been happening.

I have changed hosts for my blog, been preparing my garden for the spring and summer, been traveling to the states and back to London, gone to events, etc…

Every time I say I am going to be better about being here more often, I let other things get in my way or keep me occupied.

So, here I am. I am busy with my podcast as well as getting a new one started soon on traveling. I will keep you all updated if you are interested in knowing the updates.

Meanwhile, I am going to start writing more and it will be about daily/weekly/monthly happenings and other things.

Just wanted to get a hello in and let you know I am still here! 🙂

Belle xo

Positivity

I Am Amazed

wbelle

C176D9B6-A249-42A7-AF18-77370FF36711

*Pixabay

I know I haven’t been here a while and I don’t normally go on a rant about things, but I have to say I am very disappointed. 

I am disappointed in some people, things I am seeing and reading right now. 

I see this world going through some very hard times.  I see people struggling to get by because they had to be let go or laid off from their work because businesses had to close to protect themselves and the people around them.  I see people getting sick and struggling to hold on to their lives through the doctors and nurses that have to be there through it all.  I see families worried and scared because friends and family members are in hospitals where they can’t get to them to support them because they cannot go in for their own protection.  I see “essential workers” having to be out there putting themselves in the midst of possibly getting this virus just to get people things they need or to protect people.

And yet…there are people complaining that they are bored having to stay home.  There are people searching social media and jumping on other people’s pages and posts being negative and bashing others.  I see and hear people being negative and disrespectful of others.  Not thinking that someone may be going through something more.  Possibly depression, possibly sadness, possibly loss, possibly anxiety….who knows! Some people are so self-absorbed and judgmental of others, they don’t think about what they say or how they say it might affect someone.  Heaven forbid someone to be empathetic and put themselves in another person’s place for just a few moments. To think about what that person might be going through before opening their mouths or saying something!

I understand, by what I have learned growing up and I have learned through life, that it is not for us to judge others, nor to put our thoughts, feelings or beliefs on others.  This is a world of free will.  Yes, you can say what you want because we all have a right to say anything.  But please, don’t be so blinded in your own self that you don’t look to see what is around you, what someone else might be going through or what someone else might need.

At this time when the world is going through so much, we need positivity.  We need understanding in each other.  We need support, helping others and bringing a little joy to this madness we are going through right now.  Stop and think before you react to something or someone.

Please, if you can, look around you.  See what you can do to help.  Help by volunteering to get groceries for a neighbor, help by showing someone on one of the social media platforms that you appreciate them and are there if they need to talk.  Show others that this world does have positive special people still and that there is hope for our future.

Show that all races, all nationalities, all ethnicities, all genders can work together and support each other instead of trying to bring upheaval to all that is going on right now.  Instead of trying to shame others for who or what they are.  Instead of “taking sides”, just work together. If you feel you have been misrepresented or shamed for who you are or what you believe or do, why would you not think about that before doing the same thing to someone else?  I have seen so much of this lately and it saddens me.

No one is perfect but we are all perfectly different in our own way.  We will not be like anyone else because, as a wise person has told me, “if we were all the same, what a boring world this would be.”

I know we can do better folks. I have seen it.  This world amazes me every day when I see the beauty around me.  When I see caring helpful souls that are there for others.  It only takes a little bit of your time in a day to give a helping hand, ear or words.  It makes such a big difference, not only in that other person’s life but also in yours.

Belle xo

Me, writing, topics, sharing

Continue to Learn and Be Enlightened

wbelle

34F838C5-B9FE-43F0-B499-88BCEA63B268

*Photo from Pixabay

I have not felt like writing very much recently.  Mainly because no matter what I do, I am constantly being watched for what I write.  And if by any chance I say something “wrong” (even with hardly any followers on my blog) an alarm goes out and I am shut down again.

I started this blog to be able first to share things, like a journal, and not affect anyone, and yet get thoughts out of my head, get support, and show others possibly going through the same thing that they are not alone.  Second to be able to write poems and stories, etc, and let my creative side spill out and not be held inside.  And yet, here it is being held in again because of this.

I have reached a place in my life where I am finding the real me, understanding some things I didn’t before and feeling more myself than I have in such a very long time.  I have found that I am an extremely sensitive person of which I thought meant I was needy and over the top.  Now I understand it just means that I have a gift for feeling things from others around me in which makes me extra empathetic.  Now I understand why I could always put myself in other people’s shoes and feel what they felt and understood their side of things better than most.  And why my emotions sometimes were all over the place when in certain situations. And also why I needed and enjoyed being by myself.

It also explained why I felt the need to help those around me and take on their problems when they were not mine to take on.  Why I don’t like chaos and want everyone happy around me, so I tried all ways to make those around me happy, even if it meant I was not happy.  But I thought I was happy because others around me were.

Understanding these things has put more confidence in me to the point I feel my fire coming back.  The light inside of me is growing strong again.  I still cringe when someone I love is not happy.  But I understand more now, that I have to be happy too and my life has to be lived separately as well as with the ones I love.  So that we are all happy in our own way.

Anyway friends, I just wanted to share these things and I am finding my voice again and my confidence in my writing and love of creativity.  Hopefully, because of this, I will have some things to share very soon.

Until then, stay well.  Keep an open mind and keep learning in life and in you.

Belle xo