Getting to an understanding of myself and what I do I see I have not been honest in the way I am Freezing up and shutting down, putting up a wall too Its unhelpful that way I chose to deal and
I apologize for the way I handled things I always thought I was good at communicating Until I wasn’t with the ones I love and that mean the most to me in this world
It’s important to get this right and say it the best way I can I am who I am and I love who I love If I loved you at any point in my life, I still do I do not hold grudges and I don’t just stop caring
I am a simple yet complicated person I may hold things back but will tell you how I feel when asked It may not be what you want or your version It is just my perspective in one blast
Knowing what I know now explains so much Not only how I was then but how I handled things And how I saw things in my head and surroundings My overactive and overthinking brain as it was, is and will be
I have always wanted to fit in, to make others happy and feel that they are worth so much My love is so strong and over the top at times that I may overwhelm others But it is me and how I am, to the point I overwhelm myself at times Then at other times I hold back, not sure it, or I, will be accepted
I hold things in and stay away when I don’t want to hurt others or share my problems In my mind I am saving others from problems they don’t want nor need Not realizing by staying away it doesn’t help either So I end up causing problems anyway
So I apologize to those I love and to myself for not understanding until recently To understand myself helps me understand my past and to understand others around me It also helps for my now and future understandings Do you understand what I am saying?
The point is, as I have always believed, we are always learning, teaching and understanding This includes ourselves, others, and life in general We have to live life to the fullest and do all we can to be in the now For ourselves, others and just life
So, to myself and all reading this, know you are loved, are enough, are in this life to live it to the fullest and do your part to make an impact, if only a small one It doesn’t have to be big, but you ARE making a difference by just being here in this world we live in
I have let life take me away from some of the things I love doing. And really, that’s okay. We need to live and let live sometimes rather than stay in our own little cocoon. I know I go there a bit too often. Or, that is, I used to. Now it is more of a choice when I go there, to get away on my own or to do something specific. I have found many things out about myself that I wasn’t sure of before but am most definite about now. These things happen the older you get and the more you pay attention and grow.
When you get between the ages of forty-five to fifty-five (at least for me) you begin to see things happening when a woman. Such as pre-menopause to menopause and all the changes you are going through and dealing with. From there, you figure out how to deal with and work through the changes and ways that help you get through them smoothly. Unfortunately it isn’t a smooth change. There are a lot of ups and downs when going through the changes. There is physical changes, such as bleeding in over abundance to not bleeding at all (TMI, but true); tummy bloating; hairs appearing on chins and faces, or even other places they shouldn’t be; water retention; not sleeping or sleeping a lot, etc… Then the emotions are up and down; anxiety and depression; and so much more.
Now, along with this, I am remarried and living away from my family after moving from Georgia, USA to London, UK. I have noticed little things when talking to others and my husband, that I do (or don’t do) and am pretty sure I can link these things to ADD/ADHD. My youngest son was diagnosed with ADHD when he was in third grade at the age of seven. Here are my symptoms for my self-diagnoses: I do not stay focused on tasks, very easily distracted, I am disorganized, take on multiple tasks and do not finish them, fail to meet deadlines, have a hard time paying attention in long meetings or discussions, I miss important details in conversations, easily bored, am forgetful, have a hard time communicating with others in an effective way when trying to get a point across; feel like when someone tells me I need to do something or change something, or even just that “something needs to be done” (even if not just specifically to me) I feel it is that person saying I am a failure; I hide to take myself away from situations (like shutting down and not talking to others and staying home instead of being with family or friends) and feel undervalued because of my nature to take a step back from the spotlight. The stay focused, easily distracted and disorganized are my top three areas for me that are the hardest. I also believe either that or the menopause is the reason my memorizing lyrics has failed. So frustrating!
I have received some great recommendations on things to help and unfortunately a lot of these things don’t help me but can help others. Such as lists and reminders. They are somewhat good but not full proof. The lists I may forget to go back to for a while and the reminders I will put off or accidentally check as if done and then forget about.
So, like I said, frustrating and makes me anxious to “fix” myself. Which, by the way, you can’t “fix” but you can help yourself to make things better. This I am working on and working to understand more each day. It really does affect my writing, singing, and anything else I need to get done daily.
On another note, we are going to Sweden next week for the Midsummer Celebrations. Shopping day today for that and my birthday, which is tomorrow. 🙂 I will put a reminder to post about it! Haha! Hopefully I won’t put it off nor forget. (*covers face*)
I hope you all have a great weekend and see you sooner rather than later! ; D
I flew to the states to see my family and friends before Christmas. I would be there for two weeks (13 days). Planned on seeing my sons and their girls the Sunday of the full weekend I would be there, to celebrate Christmas with them. Unfortunately I received a call from my oldest to tell me he had Covid so would need to reschedule our get together. So we decided I would get with my youngest son and his girls and then later in the week hopefully see my oldest and his girls.
So during my first week I saw many friends and on Saturday my parents and I met my sister and brother in law for dinner. Then we drove together to see Christmas lights called Lights of Hope. We had a good time together and it was so great seeing them.
Sunday I drove a little over two hours to see my youngest, my daughter in law and my grand daughter. We had such a great time together. He cooked pancakes for brunch, they opened gifts, we went shopping at a market in town, and then we had chicken Alfredo which my son cooked as well. A wonderful time spent together, but of course too quick and too short.
Saw more friends during the week and then my parents and I went to the botanical gardens in Athens where right at the end when we were in the shops before leaving, we came across the best surprise of all. My wonderful friend from high school and her husband (also a friend from school) and their grand daughter. I was so happy to see them, especially her, when I am guessing it has been about twenty eight years since we have seen each other. 🙂 That was such an unexpected treat!
Then after talking to my oldest son, we decided to be smart and responsible and not meet up since he was just getting over Covid, my daughter in law now had it and the little one might possibly have it. (Received a text this morning that she is positive) So, he called by FaceTime and we talked, I got to see my grand daughter, he took me on a tour of the new house and I saw my daughter in law. I then sent their presents the next morning to make sure they got them before Christmas. I was told they would be there the next day! Amazing!
Today, my last full day here in the states, I will be spending with my parents. We are going to see my cousins and Aunt and Uncle for a late lunch. It is a little over two hours one way so not too bad but will take up the rest of the afternoon. Can’t wait to see everyone.
Then I get a flight out tomorrow evening back to London and will arrive Sunday morning.
Now back in London
My flight back was good and uneventful, thank goodness. I was even able to get a few hours sleep, which I normally don’t do on flights. Jetlag was not bad this time, thank goodness. Being the week before Christmas, we had a lot to do. Our physiotherapist ended up with the flu, our girl that does our hair had an accident which totaled her car, so that wasn’t good news. However, it did free us up to do other things that needed doing. We met with friends on Friday before Christmas for a few hours, went to Winter Wonderland in London on Christmas Eve, which both were a lot of fun! So, all in all it was a good week leading up to Christmas Day.
On Christmas Day my step daughter came and spent the afternoon with us as well as our neighbor across the street, we had dinner and exchanged gifts and just enjoyed each other’s company. I also had FaceTime calls from my boys and my parents/sister.
On Boxing Day, we were not able to spend the day with my other step daughter and her family because they were dealing with the flu. So, we decided to go to downtown London and enjoy the lights. The lights in London are always so beautiful and magical. Even with all the craziness of loads of people being there, we really had a good time and took lots of pictures. 🙂
We are now looking forward to Wednesday night at Southbank Centre to see Dolly Parton Christmas Carol, New Year’s Eve with my step daughter and her family to see the lights and then on my husband’s birthday we are going to see ABBA! We are really enjoying this time of the year, even though at times one of us, if not both, have been a bit anxious for one reason or another.
Happy Holidays
With all this said, I hope you all had a wonderful Christmas holiday with lots of treats as well. I wish you all a very happy holiday and a brilliant new year!!
Music has been part of my life for as long as I can remember. From nursery songs, to singing in the youth choir when young, to being in a band once my boys were older. It is in my veins and is a part of me. I would write poems when I was young thinking one day they would be a song. I think I have this love of music from my mom and I know for a fact my boys have gotten it from me. And now, my youngest grand daughter has gotten the love of music from her daddy. It makes my heart so happy.
When my boys were older I recorded a CD in Charlotte, North Carolina. It is mainly country songs and I had a band from Nashville, Tennessee come do the music for the CD. It was amazing and an experience I will never forget.
And, I just found out from a friend that she found my cd online when looking up the name Welcome Inside. I looked and sure enough it was there! I had forgotten I had downloaded the whole CD on ReverbNation.
I have a quick bio on there you can read about :
I started singing as soon as I could. I remember when, in the car and trying to sing along with a song on the radio, my mom would say, “Don’t sing unless you know the words.” If you don’t think that made me learn the words quick!!! I started singing in the youth choir around 10 years old. Once in High School was in the school pagent and that was the first time my mom and dad ever heard me sing solo and were both shocked that they never knew. Then my senior year I was in the band and drama clubs in school, choir in church and took vocal lessons. Wanted to major in music at college but figured out it was mainly focusing on opera and teaching so changed over to mass communications. I have done some singing at weddings, sang in a christian accapella group in college, sing solos at church and auditioned for Nashville Star! I just love singing and would do it everyday if given the chance!! To do this, I have now found a band to hook up with in my area. We are called “Borderlyne Band.” My CD is now finalized and available. The CD has all original music from songwriters from Songramp.com. The CD was recorded at a studio in Charlotte, NC called GAT3 and the musicians for the project were from Nashville, TN. Eventually I would like to record some of my own songs as well. My guys (my husband and two sons) are very excited about it for me too, along with my family and friends. The CD is available for purchase. Just email me at dawn_michele1@yahoo.com to get infomation. We are so excited! The songs that are on the CD are on this site right now. I hope you enjoy them and I will continue to give updates! Dawn : )
Well, there is quite a bit that needs updating in that paragraph! LOL! I will be going back to that page to do so now that I found it!
I am now looking for music outlets here
Now that I am in London, I am looking to join a band. I met with a couple of band members a week ago but they decided to go with another female vocalist. So, I continue to look. I haven’t been able to perform really since Covid hit in 2020. I am really missing it! I was given this gift for a reason and hate I am not using it. But hopefully I will be soon.
On my podcast Coffee, Wine and Chocolate I talk this week about music and the positive benefits, as well as malt wine and the positive benefits of nature and our mental health. You can find my podcast on any podcast player you listen to.
I am going to the states in December to see family and friends for a couple of weeks before Christmas. I really look forward to it. Even though it is never long enough, I treasure every moment I have with those I love.
I recently did a couple of episodes on Coffee, Wine & Chocolate podcast regarding the importance of friends, and then on family. In the last, I would say, six to seven years I have learned more about myself and those around me. I have accepted my flaws and my negatives because the other parts of me outweigh them and it is just a part of me. Everyone has good and bad sides to them. There is no way to be perfect, so we have to love ourselves for who we are and always work on being better and do better every day.
I have realized in my learning that friends and family are so important. Much more than I ever thought. I am ashamed to say it, but, I was so bad about keeping up with friends and family after I was married and started a family of my own. When going through my separation and divorce, it really hit me. I found out that I didn’t help myself by being available for some and doing things for them that were not appreciated and much worse, were just expected. I did not know about boundaries, how important they are, and that they help relationships be stronger and help with communication, respect and understanding.
So, I am building better relationships now with those I love. I am honest to a fault, at times to the point of probably saying more than I should, but that is who I am. Sometimes I am so honest that I over say or think things which just gets me into trouble by sounding like I don’t know what I am saying. Do you know what I mean? I then get frustrated at myself and my silly emotions take over. Because, once again, that is who I am.
Friends
I have quality friends that I appreciate and try to keep in touch with as much as possible. Some not as often as others, but it is like we just get it. The friends I have made over the years I have mostly lost touch with. We keep up with each other through social media and that is about it. The friends I made in the last five to seven years are very special to me. Mainly because they were with me through my hardest times and my changing in so many ways. They were my support and ones I could go to when I needed a break from my crazy life (as I saw it). I am blessed to have the friends I have.
Family
Then, let’s talk about family. Family is so important to me. While going through my separation and divorce I was with my parents a lot. We went through a lot together during this time. I was finding myself again, trying to understand all I was going through and not making it easy on my parents that were trying to help me through things. There were also my boys. I am sure I have said this before, but, I put up this wall between me and my boys because I was protecting myself and them from more hurt. But I found out later it was just causing more hurt. I did it so that I would not pull them into what their dad and I were going through. I was not going to put him in a bad light with them and I was not going to pretend everything was okay.
I realized too late that it was not the right thing to do. But now we are working on our communication and staying in touch. Not as much as I would like, but they are busy with their own families and lives.
So, my overall point and all I want to share is, to not put family and friends aside. Make sure you stay in touch regularly. Friends can help us daily, just as family. And family members are so important to stay close to. Yes, there are some that you don’t need to stay in touch with for your own sanity, but the rest are so important!
I have not been here for quite a while. Months! So much has been happening.
I have changed hosts for my blog, been preparing my garden for the spring and summer, been traveling to the states and back to London, gone to events, etc…
Every time I say I am going to be better about being here more often, I let other things get in my way or keep me occupied.
So, here I am. I am busy with my podcast as well as getting a new one started soon on traveling. I will keep you all updated if you are interested in knowing the updates.
Meanwhile, I am going to start writing more and it will be about daily/weekly/monthly happenings and other things.
Just wanted to get a hello in and let you know I am still here! 🙂
